Lock Down Screw Up

| Learning | March 30, 2013

(This story took place during my junior year of high school. The teacher is walking around class, discussing the story we’re reading.)

Intercom: “Teachers and students, we are [well-known codeword for ‘we’re going into lock-down mode’], NOW!”

(All of us students immediately get fidgety and look to the teacher expecting him to tell us what to do, but he just keeps droning on, ignoring the intercom announcement.)

Me: *nervously* “Um, Mr. [Name], did you hear the announcement?”

Teacher: “What announcement?”

Me: “They just told us to go into lock-down.”

(The teacher just smirks at me with a ‘nice try’ look, while some of the other students try to vouch for me. He ignores me and just returns to his lecture. Some of the other students begin getting nervous too, and I see a few glancing towards the door when he’s not looking, as if they want to try and secretly lock it. We’re all quiet while he continues to lecture. Suddenly, the door flies opens and I about jump out of my seat.)

Principal: “Why aren’t you in lock-down?! Mr. [Teacher], please step outside with me immediately!”

(The principal turns off the lights and tells us to be quiet while she takes the teacher into the halls to get on his case. Luckily, it was just a drill, otherwise, we could have been in real danger!)

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Much Argue About Nothing

| Learning | March 30, 2013

(I’m working at my high school as a computer tech. One afternoon, a teacher comes into our work area.)

Me: “Hey Mr. [Teacher], what’s the problem?”

Teacher: “Do I need to have a problem?”

Me: *feeling awkward* “Err, I guess not. That’s just why people usually come over here.”

Teacher: “Well, you should appreciate that there might be some other reason why I’m here.”

Me: “I understand. So why are you here?”

Teacher: “Well, I’m having a problem with the computer!”

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Doesn’t Enjoy Bird Watching But Quite Likes The Woods

| Learning | March 12, 2013

(I am sitting quietly in Current Affairs when I get a tap on the back from behind from a student.)

Student: “Hey. Is Dick Cheney the funny man on TV?”

Me: “No, he was the Vice President during the Bush Administration.”

Student: *blank look*

Me: “You know, he was the one who shot his friend in the face while quail hunting?”

Student: “Oh my God, he what! Wait, what’s a quail?”

Me: “It’s a type of bird.”

Student: “Why on earth would anyone kill a bird?”

Me: “To eat?”

Student: “That’s disgusting!”

Me: “Where do you think chicken’s come from!?”

Student: “Oh… right. I swear I’m not dumb! I know who Tiger Woods is!”

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Goodbye, Dolly

, | Learning | March 12, 2013

Customer: “Excuse me, can I buy three tickets?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re sold out.”

Customer: “Isn’t this [Town] High School?”

Me: “Yes, but this show is sold out.”

Customer: “How many seats are left?”

Me: “None. We’re sold out. There’s another show tomorrow at–

Customer: “Well, next time you should think about being already sold out before you start selling tickets!”

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Doesn’t Enjoy Bird Watching But Quite Likes The Woods

, , , , | Right | December 1, 2010

(I am sitting quietly in Current Affairs class when I get a tap on the back from a student behind me.)

Student: “Hey. Is Dick Cheney the funny man on TV?”

Me: “No, he was the vice president during the Bush administration.”

Student: *blank look*

Me: “You know, he was the one who shot his friend in the face while quail hunting?”

Student: “Oh, my God, he what?! Wait, what’s a quail?”

Me: “It’s a type of bird.”

Student: “Why on earth would anyone kill a bird?”

Me: “To eat?”

Student: “That’s disgusting!”

Me: “Where do you think chickens come from!?”

Student: “Oh… right. I swear I’m not dumb! I know who Tiger Woods is!”

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