(The chemistry teacher does a trick where you fill bubbles with methane, pick them up in your hands, and put them over a Bunsen Burner. It flares up, but if you pull your hands away quickly and shake the fire off, it won’t burn you. He lets us try it.)

Student: “Oooh, I wanna do it!”

Teacher: “Okay. Remember, once the bubbles flare up, pull your hands back and shake any fire off RIGHT AWAY.”

(The student puts her hand down without shaking it. Her hand has caught fire and she doesn’t realize it.)

Classmate: “[Student], you’re on fire!”

(Despite the water the student has put on her hand to shield it, the fire is growing slowly.)

Me: “[Student], you’re ON FIRE! PUT IT OUT!”

Student: “Oh, ha, you’re so funny. NOT.”

Classmate #2: “You idiot, your hand is ON FIRE! PUT IT OUT BEFORE IT BURNS YOU!”

(The student finally looks at her hand, now basically engulfed in flames.)

Student: “OH GOD! AH! AHHHHHH!”

(The student runs around the room smacking her hand against her lab apron, leaving a trail of fire behind her, as we all stare mutely. After 20 seconds, she finally puts it out. The teacher checks her hand and finds that the water actually did protect her from being burned beyond a few blisters.)

Teacher: “Well, guess who’s never doing this again.”

Student: “Well, why didn’t they tell me my hand was on fire?”

Classmate #3: “Fine, I’ll tell you now.” *starts to sing* “This girl is on fiiiiiiiiiiire, this girl is on fiiiiiiiiiiiire!“

(We’re sitting in Canadian history class, and the teacher is known for his over-the-top, strict ways and mind set. We’re not allowed cell phones during class times but some teachers are ‘cooler’ about it. This one is not.)

Teacher: “[My name], WHAT are you doing?! Give me that phone right now!”

Me: *looking up slowly* “Sorry?”

Teacher: “Your phone! Give me that right now! You know the rules! You are in so much trouble!”

(He proceeds to walk up the class towards my desk while everyone is watching.)

Me: “I don’t have my phone out, I was just—”

(He cuts me off by grabbing near me where he assumes I have my phone. I lean back in my seat and stand up.)

Teacher: “What do you think you’re doing!?”

Me: “I do not have my phone; it’s my insulin pump! It has an alarm on it that goes off before lunch to remind me to check my sugars. I was letting it know I remembered, so it didn’t go off!”

(I proceed to show him the pump attached to my jean pocket and he turns redder and steps back.)

Student Beside Me: “Wow, [teacher] what a rude thing to do.”

Teacher: “Erm, hum… Oh, class dismissed early for lunch!”

(He rushes from the room and the entire class, including myself, is silent. I end up going to the office; the teacher is spoken to and has never just assumes something for the rest of the term.)

(I teach in a school where the students are encouraged to pick their own ‘English’ names. These names become registered and official in their transcripts midway through grade 11, so a handful of my grade 10 students are still changing names.)

Teacher: “Did [student] tell you that he’s thinking of changing his name?”

Me: “No, he didn’t. What is he changing it to?”

Teacher: “I’m not sure. He said something about the bad guy in The Walking Dead.”

Me: “Does he mean ‘The Governor?'”

Teacher: “God, I hope so.”

(My foster cousin and I are in the same English class, and we’ve somehow convinced the teacher to let us sit together even though we’re known trouble makers. The teacher is talking about a recent chapter in the book we’re supposed to be reading when my cousin raises his hand.)

Cousin: “Uh, ma’am?”

Teacher: *gasps and beams* “Do you have something to add?”

Cousin: “Not exactly.”

Teacher: *still cheery* “Oh do you have a question about the chapter?”

Cousin: “Um, no.”

Teacher: *a little crest fallen* “You may not go to the bathroom.”

Cousin: “It’s not that. Me and [my name] kinda—”

Me: “We super glued our hands to the table.”

Cousin: “Yeah… we’re stuck.”

(It takes two paramedics and the science teacher to unstick us.)

Teacher: “So class, do you understand?”

(The class stays completely silent.)

Teacher: *in a slightly high voice* “Yes, Mr. Morris, we understand! We love you Mr. Morris!”

Teacher: *in normal voice* “Great! I love you too, invisible student!”