(I am a customer at my regular hardware supply store, which most local contractors have accounts at. I’m standing in a large queue at the cash register with a few items for a job I’m working on. The customer in front of me seems annoyed and is asking many questions about a special light bulb for her house.)

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but from what you’ve told me, I don’t think that particular bulb will work with your fixture. However, the row of bulbs above where you got it will work!”

Customer #1: *more annoyed* “So, I have to pick out another one? Can you at least show me?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, I can’t leave the register right now. But [Employee] can help you.”

(She points to her coworker twenty feet away in the lighting section. The customer begins heading there, but first asks…)

Customer #1: “Will I have to stand in line again?”

(The cashier and I look at each other and shrug, so we both wait out of courtesy. However, the customer is gone for quite a while although the aisle she went to is very close, so the cashier decides to help me first. However, halfway through my transaction, [Customer #1] comes back and goes straight to the front of the line.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me! I believe I was first!”

Cashier: “Oh! Ma’am. I’m sorry. You were gone for a while, and he only had a few items and I thought–”

Customer #1: “Whatever! Just ring me up!”

(The cashier nervously looks at me and I nod that it’s okay for her to go first. By now, there are at least six people standing in the queue behind me. The cashier begins to ring her up.)

Customer #1: “You know, that was really rude! You should all be more helpful here!”

Me: “Ma’am, she was only doing her job. This is a small business and they are very courteous and helpful here.”

Customer #1: *turns around to me* “I don’t care! They need to be more efficient and shouldn’t be so rude. I’m on my break. I don’t have time for this!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m a contractor; I lose money for every minute I am away from the worksite. Your time is no more valuable than anyone else’s, and [Cashier] works very hard and is very good at her job.”

Customer #1: “W-well… I was only saying that so they know that they are wasting a customer’s time!”

(A customer behind me interrupts her.)

Customer #2: “Hey, lady! We’re all contractors. You are wasting our time and money!”

(Everyone else in line verbally and visibly motioned in agreement. The first customer finished her transaction and quickly left, embarrassed. The cashier was so thankful that she went and told the store manager, who gave everyone in the queue a keychain flashlight for free. I love that store! Remember to support your local businesses!)

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(I am ringing up a customer.)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir. How are you?”

Customer: *remains silent as I scan his items*

Me: “Are you a member of the store rewards program?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Have you heard about the program?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you care about the program?”

Customer: “No.”

(The ustomer swipes his debit card and puts in his pin.)

Customer: “I can say more than ‘no’, you know. ”

Me: “I don’t doubt it, sir. Would you like cash back?”

Customer: “No.”

(Thankfully, he had a sense of humor; after his last reply, we both looked at each other and laughed.)

(The hardware chain I work for sets up a Christmas tree lot every year and sells fresh cut trees. One evening, a customer comes into the lot ahead of his family, who are still getting out of the car.)

Me: “Good evening! Tree hunting tonight? Are you after anything in particular?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know anything about them. I’m just looking for a tree.”

(I launch into a quick explanation of the three types of tree we carry; Noble firs, Douglas firs, and Grand firs.)

Me: “…and so Noble firs are pretty popular, since they hold their needles a bit better than the Douglases, as well as having stronger branches.”

(A few moments later, the customer’s wife and children catch up and walk into the lot. The customer, beaming with his new-found understanding of Christmas tree nuance points a tree out to his wife.)

Customer: “This is the kind of tree that we want. It has better needles than the others, because it has what you call, noble fur!”

(I’m watching the register for a coworker on his break. A young man enters the store and sets a paper bag on the counter.)

Customer: “I need to do a return.” *empties contents of bag onto the counter*

(I pick up the two gas fittings: one has a tag, the other is completely stripped and destroyed. I look at the receipt and the one with the tag isn’t on it.)

Me: “Sir, this fitting isn’t on this receipt. Did you have another receipt for it?”

Customer: “No. I don’t have a receipt for it because I didn’t pay for it.”

Me: *stunned* “Wh-what? Did… did you just take it then?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was going to pay for it and I realized I didn’t have enough money to buy it, so I just took it home. But it didn’t fit, either. So my buddy came out and fixed the problem for me and I don’t need it anymore. Sorry.”

Me: “Oh, um, well… okay. I’m just going to keep this one, then.”

(I take the stolen fitting and place it in the return box, but then I look at the other fitting.)

Me: “You really did a number on this one, though.”

Customer: “Yeah, it was the wrong thread, I think. I tried to twist it on but I ended up stripping it.”

Me: “Well, I can’t return this it since you destroyed it. It’s yours for life now.”

(I hand him back his receipt and the broken fitting.)

Customer: “Well, I thought I’d try anyway. Thank you.” *leaves*

(The next customer in line is just as stunned as I am. He sets his things on the counter and watches the young man leave.)

Customer: “Did he just return something he stole and apologized for it because it was the wrong size?”

(I nod.)

Customer: “Man, makes you wonder what he would have done if he actually stole the right part!”

(A tweaker-looking kid comes up to my cash register holding an old lamp that clearly needs professional rewiring. I am no electrician; I’m merely a cashier.)

Customer: “Do you sell a cord that plugs into this to make it work?”

(I look closely at the lamp.)

Me: “I see that it has no place to plug any modern cord. You will need to speak with someone in the electrical department for help with rewiring it.”

Customer: *bursts into a sing-song yell* “I wish you knew how to do your d*** job!”

(He then runs off in circles, drops some merchandise and heads for the exit.)

Customer: “Kiss my royal f***ing a**!”

Me: “Just leave. Go away. Don’t come back again!”

(The boy continues swearing and flipping the bird. He has to be escorted out. My manager approaches me.)

Manager: “Is it a full moon?”

(Later on, a coworker from the electrical department comes up to the manager.)

Coworker: “Did you see a dirty guy with a brass lamp? He just hit me and called me a monkey while I was with a customer!”