(My mother, my little brother, and I are waiting in the dentist’s office. On the coffee table is a book full of pictures of different dental diseases. One of them is particularly graphic photo of a man with a thick long mustache, and rotted through, brown teeth. I show this picture to my little brother.)

Me: “See, if you don’t brush your teeth, your mouth will look like THIS!”

Little Brother: “Ah! No!”

(My little brother hides his eyes, trying to get away.)

Me: “Look at it; look at it!”

Little Brother: “No! Mom!”

Mom: “Stop scaring your brother.”

Me: “But I’m only trying to teach him to brush his teeth.”

Mom: “…really?”

Me: “Really.”

Mom: “Okay, fine…”

(I scare my little brother with the picture until he cries. Ten years later, he’s never even had a cavity!)

(I’m at the dentist getting fillings. Note that one side of my mouth has been numbed.)

Assistant: “Has your medical history changed since your last visit?”

Me: *feeling numb* “I know I’m on different medicathons than the lasth time I wath here.”

Assistant: “I don’t seem to have the update form here. I’ll go grab a copy.”

(The assistant leaves, and the dentist comes in.)

Dentist: “Where’d she go?”

Me: “She had to gwab a form.”

(The assistant comes back with the form and a clipboard.)

Assistant: “Okay, what are you taking now? And do you remember the doses?”

Me: *getting number* “I’m on [5-syllable med] at 5mg and [7-syllable med] at 50mg.”

Assistant & Dentist: “Uh…”

Me: “How’s about I justh wite it down?”

(I take the clipboard and fill out the info, and sign it.)

Dentist: “I never would’ve spelled that right.”

Receptionist: “Okay, well that will be… hold on. It’s December 31st, right?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Receptionist: “Is there any reason you booked the appointment for today?”

Me: “Nah, I just knew my mom would be off work and able to take me, and I knew I’d be home from college.”

Receptionist: “Well, okay, so if you had waited until January 1st, our insurance would’ve flipped over and your appointment would have been covered. I’m really sorry they didn’t tell you that. Whoever booked your appointment should’ve said that. I’m going to just wait until tomorrow to enter this, just so you know, okay?”

Me: “Wait, seriously? Are you sure? It’s not going to mess up your records or anything?”

Receptionist: “Not at all. Whoever scheduled you should have let you know, so we’ll cover it. Have a good one!”

Mom: “Wow, that’s great.” *to me* “We should switch your brothers and dad to THIS practice!”

(I’m calling my dentist’s office prior to the Easter Weekend.)

Me: “Will you be open on Monday, even though it’s Easter Monday?”

Receptionist: “Yes, we will be open!”

Me: “So I can come in to see the dentist about my tooth?”

Receptionist: “Yes!”

(On Easter Monday…)

Me: “I’m here to see the dentist.”

Receptionist: “Oh, I’m sorry. The dentist and hygienists all have today off. It’s Easter Monday, you know!”

Me: “But when I spoke to you last week and said I wanted to see the dentist, you said you would be open and that I would be able to see him!”

Receptionist: “We ARE open! I’M here doing paperwork.”

Me: *speechless*

This story is part of our Easter 2024 roundup!

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(My dentist is a pediatric dentist who will continue to see any existing patients up until they’re 21. I am 19 and have been a patient for 10 years, so the staff all know who I am. One day, a receptionist I don’t recognize answers the phone.)

Me: “Hi, I need to schedule an appointment.”

Receptionist: “Is this for your son or daughter?”

Me: “Well, it’s for me.”

Receptionist: “Um, how old are you, ma’am?”

Me: “I’m 19, but—”

Receptionist: “I can’t schedule you. This is a pediatric dentist; we only treat children.”

Me: “Oh. Has the policy changed?”

Receptionist: “We’ve always been a pediatric dentist.”

Me: “I know that, but—”

Receptionist: “So, you’ll have to call an ordinary dentist.”

Me: “But I’m already a patient—”

Receptionist: “Look, ma’am, this is a PEDIATRIC dentist’s office! Our patients are children! You’re not a child!”

Me: “But the doctor sees existing patients over 18. Can I just give you my name and you can look up my file? I’m already a patient.”

Receptionist: “Are you understanding ANYTHING I’ve told you? WE DO NOT SEE ADULT PATIENTS. I’m going to have to ask you to hang up and not call here again.”

Me: “Look, are [other receptionists I know by name] there? They know I’m a patient, unless you changed your policies and didn’t notify anyone.”

Receptionist: “I’ve been working here for a month. I think I know what I’m doing!”

Me: “Please, my name is [name]. Could you PLEASE just take a second and look me up in your system? I swear to you I’m already a patient, and I’m positive [doctor] will still see me since I’ve been a patient for 10 years.”

Receptionist: “God, what aren’t you understanding here? We don’t see adult patients!”

Me: “Is there someone else I can talk to?”

Receptionist: “Talking to another receptionist won’t change anything!”

(The next receptionist knew who I was and scheduled me without any problems. Thankfully, that receptionist was fired before my appointment!)