(I am sitting in front of my computer trying to get on with work whilst my colleague is dealing with a patient. Another patient approaches the desk.)

Me: “Hi there! How can I help today?”

Patient: “You know, you really should grow taller. I could hardly see you over the desk.”

(I go on to sign the patient in, and continue with my work. 10 minutes later, the patient comes back to the desk.)

Patient: “You know, you’re still no taller; you really need to grow.”

(I take the patient’s money, and she leaves.)

Me: *to my colleague* “Did I just get told off for not growing any taller in the space of 10 minutes?”

Colleague: “Erm, yes, I think you did.”

(My boss has informed me that his best friend has unexpectedly died, and that he will need to cancel his appointments for the next two days. I’m currently on the phone to a patient who is notorious for being difficult.)

Me: “Hello, this is [me] calling on behalf of [dentist]. I’m calling to inform you that due to unfortunate circumstances, [dentist] will have to cancel your appointment for Friday. I do apologize for the inconvenience, but would you like to take the time to reschedule?”

Patient: “Seriously? This is unacceptable. I’ve already cleared my schedule just so that I can be there. What is so d*** important that he can just cancel my appointment?”

Me: “Well, sir, [dentist] will be taking time off to attend a funeral out of state. Again, I apologize for the inconvenience. I do have an opening two weeks from today. Would that work?”

Patient: “No, no, I’ve already agreed to meet with my clients all that week. See, my time is actually worth something; I can’t just cancel on my client’s last minute like [dentist]. Honestly, how does he expect to stay in business if he cancels on his patients like this?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be sure to tell [dentist] that the next time one of his life-long friends unexpectedly dies, that he should be more considerate of his patients.”

Patient: “See that you do!”

(My mother, my little brother, and I are waiting in the dentist’s office. On the coffee table is a book full of pictures of different dental diseases. One of them is particularly graphic photo of a man with a thick long mustache, and rotted through, brown teeth. I show this picture to my little brother.)

Me: “See, if you don’t brush your teeth, your mouth will look like THIS!”

Little Brother: “Ah! No!”

(My little brother hides his eyes, trying to get away.)

Me: “Look at it; look at it!”

Little Brother: “No! Mom!”

Mom: “Stop scaring your brother.”

Me: “But I’m only trying to teach him to brush his teeth.”

Mom: “…really?”

Me: “Really.”

Mom: “Okay, fine…”

(I scare my little brother with the picture until he cries. Ten years later, he’s never even had a cavity!)

(I’m at the dentist getting fillings. Note that one side of my mouth has been numbed.)

Assistant: “Has your medical history changed since your last visit?”

Me: *feeling numb* “I know I’m on different medicathons than the lasth time I wath here.”

Assistant: “I don’t seem to have the update form here. I’ll go grab a copy.”

(The assistant leaves, and the dentist comes in.)

Dentist: “Where’d she go?”

Me: “She had to gwab a form.”

(The assistant comes back with the form and a clipboard.)

Assistant: “Okay, what are you taking now? And do you remember the doses?”

Me: *getting number* “I’m on [5-syllable med] at 5mg and [7-syllable med] at 50mg.”

Assistant & Dentist: “Uh…”

Me: “How’s about I justh wite it down?”

(I take the clipboard and fill out the info, and sign it.)

Dentist: “I never would’ve spelled that right.”

Receptionist: “Okay, well that will be… hold on. It’s December 31st, right?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Receptionist: “Is there any reason you booked the appointment for today?”

Me: “Nah, I just knew my mom would be off work and able to take me, and I knew I’d be home from college.”

Receptionist: “Well, okay, so if you had waited until January 1st, our insurance would’ve flipped over and your appointment would have been covered. I’m really sorry they didn’t tell you that. Whoever booked your appointment should’ve said that. I’m going to just wait until tomorrow to enter this, just so you know, okay?”

Me: “Wait, seriously? Are you sure? It’s not going to mess up your records or anything?”

Receptionist: “Not at all. Whoever scheduled you should have let you know, so we’ll cover it. Have a good one!”

Mom: “Wow, that’s great.” *to me* “We should switch your brothers and dad to THIS practice!”