Sorry, Guys! Better Luck Tomorrow(land)

I am working security at a popular EDM festival. Outside alcohol and canned drinks are not allowed in the event space (only water), and we’ve been trained to spot creative ways festivalgoers try to sneak them in.

I see a colleague checking someone’s bag that contains a suspiciously large amount of sun lotion, but also a few cans of cheap soda.

Colleague: “Soda is not allowed inside.”

Festivalgoer: *Smiling smugly to their friends* “Oh, of course! My mistake! Sorry!”

My colleague is about to dispose of the soda and let them through, but I step over. I pick up the sun lotion and start weighing the bottle in my hand. The festivalgoer suddenly loses the smug smile.

Me: “What are these?”

Festivalgoer: “Can’t you see? It’s just sun lotion, like it says on the packaging.”

Me: “Mind if I apply some? It’s a super-hot sunny day! I’ll let you keep your sodas if you do!”

Festivalgoer: “Uh… no, sorry. We need it all for ourselves.”

Me: “Really? Aww, too bad. Okay, then.”

I hand it back to them but “accidentally” flip open the lid, and a clear liquid starts pouring out. The smell of vodka can be smelt by everyone nearby. The festivalgoer looks terrified.

Me: “I don’t think that’s going to do a good job blocking the sun.”

All of their “lotions” were double-checked and confiscated (shockingly, one of them actually WAS sun lotion, which they kept) and they were allowed into the venue. I later told my staff to not be distracted by the obvious decoys (cheap disposable sodas) and to check for the fake lotion bottles. We found over twenty more by the end of the day, and interestingly enough, there were about half as many reports of drunk altercations within the festival grounds compared to the same day last year. Funny that…