(I’m the night auditor/overnight clerk at a random hotel adjacent to the interstate in Georgia. A potential client comes in around one am.)

Customer: “I’d like to rent a room.”

Me: “I have space available. Tonight’s price is [total] plus state and local tax.”

Customer: “I don’t have to pay tax.”

(Customer presents tax exemption form from Florida, naming a church, which exempts church activities from Florida state taxes.)

Me: “Well, I’m not familiar with Florida tax rules, but this doesn’t exempt Georgia taxes. I can’t waive them with this form.”

Customer: “You’re going to Hell.”

Me: “I’ve been through an audit. Hell sounds better. But if you are here on official business, it’s a simple matter to file for a refund in Georgia. I’m afraid that I can’t waive sales and use tax with these forms.”

Customer: “Thou whited sepulcher.”

Me: “Render unto Caesar.”

Customer: “God is going to smite you!”

Me: “I’ll be glad to rent a room to you, at [total] rate, plus tax. If you won’t pay the taxes, I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

Customer: “I don’t pay taxes! God’s people don’t pay taxes! If anyone calls for me, forward my calls to [Hotel across the street, which also collects proper taxes.] Good evening!”

Next Customer In Line: “What do you drink? You dealt with that like someone who drinks after work!”

(The next customer checked in, paid for his room and taxes, and came to the lobby an hour later with a six-pack for me.)

(Our store closes at 8:00; it is currently 8:05 and the last few customers are at the check-out while the employees get everything ready to close up. I’m out front cleaning up my area when a man approaches.)

Man: “Hey, are you guys closed?”

Me: “Yep, we closed a few minutes ago. Sorry.”

Man: “But I can still shop, right?”

(I work as a fishmonger in a well-known supermarket and a middle age woman approaches me.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “I’m looking for some skate; do you have any?”

Me: “I’m afraid skate is actually critically endangered now. It’s unlikely that you will ever be able to get skate again, but some other stores may sell different types of ray.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll come back next week, then.”

(My younger brother and I both manage at a chain pizza place in our local mall. Although five years apart we regularly get asked if we are twins. One Sunday morning after a long night of drinking we are both working. He is in the back room prepping food; I am out front manning the register. A customer walks up and asks the price of a slice of pizza. Had he turned his head 30 degrees left he’d have seen the price board right next to him.)

Customer: “How much for a slice of pepperoni?”

Me: *turning my head slowly and slightly toward the price board* “$1.79 according to the board.”

Customer: *immediately irate* “I want to see your manager right now!”

Me: “Okay, let me get him for you.” *slowly walk through swinging door to kitchen on left side of service area* “Hey, bro, some guy out front wants to talk to the manager.”

(My brother walks out front by way of the other door to see what he can do for the man.)

Brother: “Yes, sir, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I told you, I want to see the manager.”

(My brother walks back in the same door he used.)

Brother: “He says he wants to talk to you now.”

(I walk back out front through the same door I had previously used.)

Me: “Yes, sir, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “How many times do I have to tell you? I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER!”

(I walk into the back again and tell my brother he’s needed by the customer again, brother then goes back out the door he’s been using.)

Brother: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “F***! I told you to get the manager! Now don’t you move a step. Call the manager out here so we can all have words.”

Brother: *pushes the door open and shouts to the back* “Hey, come on out here. Now he wants to talk to both of us.”

(I walk out front, and smile broadly at the customer.)

Me: “Yes, sir? How may WE help you?”

(Looking back and forth between us.)

Customer: “Well, obviously I’m not going to get anything done here!”

Me & Brother: *simultaneously* “Nope.”

(It’s Christmas time and my first major holiday with a license. Because my parents refuse to let me get a job and I know that my driving has given them more financial responsibility, I decide that I will use some already received Christmas money to get them presents from the local superstore.)

Me: “I hope you have a nice day.” *swipes gift card*

Cashier: “Sorry, there’s only five on there. Do you have the remaining nine?”

Me: “No, I don’t. This was a Christmas present from a friend and she told me she had put $15 on it for me. Do I have enough for the slippers if I don’t buy [My Dad’s Favorite Candy]? Will the sale items be good up until Christmas?”

Elderly Customer: *behind me* “No, that won’t do. Here.” *hands me a ten* “It’s Christmas! Everyone should get their presents.”

Me: “Sir, I can’t. Thank you, though.”

Elderly Customer: “You can because I’m giving it to you. I won’t let you refuse.”

Me: “Oh, my gosh! Thank you so much! My parents are going to love their presents! Thanks!”

Elderly Customer: “No problem. I remember being your age and trying to do something extra for family. Just pay it forward and that’s enough thanks for me.”

(It was greatly appreciated and I still think about it when I go to the store. My mother’s slippers are one of her favorite things to lounge in and they are a great reminder of how far a simple act can go. Every time I see the candy I think about my father and brother playfully throwing them at each other.)