(I work in drive-thru at a well-known fast food store and I always ask the customer if they want their receipt to make the transaction go quicker.)
Me: “Would you like your receipt today?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: *hands them the receipt*
Customer: *looks me dead in the eye and drops the receipt on the ground and drives away without breaking eye contact*
Customer: “What’s the difference between the single fajita and the double fajita?”
Me: “The single one is for one person, where the double is usually shared as it is double the meat.”
Customer: “So you get two fajitas with the double?”
Me: “Well, no. It’s just double the meat on the skillet, which two or more people usually share.”
Customer: “So, it’s two skillets.”
Me: “No, it’s one skillet but it has double the meat.”
Customer: “So it’s meant for one person?”
Me: “No, it’s usually shared. You can have one for yourself, but it’s traditionally split.”
Customer: “So it comes on two skillets?”
Me: “No. One skillet. Double meat.”
Customer: “Okay, we want a double chicken fajita, but on separate skillets.”
Me: “So… two single chicken fajitas?”
Customer: “Yes, that sounds perfect!”
(I am naturally very, very pale. I am also usually cold, so I tend to wear long sleeves nearly all the time. On this hot summer day, I came to work in short sleeves.)
Regular Customer: “Wow, I’ve never seen your arms before! They’re so… white!”
Me: “Thanks?”
(Our attraction includes both a restaurant and an observation area. The tickets going to the observation area are marked with an “O,” and it is up to the ushers to ensure guests are going to the right area. Usually an announcement to the guests in line about what the “O” on their ticket means is enough for most guests, but sometimes people aren’t paying attention or don’t speak English, so I always ask to see their tickets before they proceed to the restaurant.)
Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but your ticket has an “O” on it, so I’m going to need you to join this line.”
Guest: “What “O”? I don’t see an “O” anywhere!”
Me: *indicating the bright pink highlighter “O” written on her ticket* “That “O” there, ma’am.”
Guest: *condescending look* “That’s not an “O”; that’s a circle.”
(Best of luck to the two children she had with her.)
(I work in a pharmacy where I hear about how awful the new healthcare laws are at least four times a day. I personally have Marketplace coverage and keep my mouth shut all the time, but this one is too stupid to overlook:)
Customer: “I need refills on my medication.”
Me: “Okay, let me look it up… I’m sorry, sir, you have no refills left. I can fax the doctor to ask for more.”
Customer: *stares at me like I just committed murder* “See! This is that d*** Obamacare! I need my medication!”
Me: *in the calmest voice possible* “Sir, do you understand how pharmacy works? You used all your refills already. If you would like I can try to call the White House and see if President Obama can authorize a new prescription.”
(I pick up the phone and call information and ask to be connected to the White House.)
Customer: “Don’t be rude to me! You’re obviously an Obama lover.”
Me: “No, I just wanted you to see how uneducated and ridiculous you sound. By the way Obama is not in the office right now so you’ll have to wait on those refills. Have a great day!”
(I walked away.)
