(I know the owner of a cleaning supplies company whom I see every week at a networking group. One day, I place an order on his website for some toilet roll and a few other cleaning bits and bobs. I realise shortly after that I put the wrong delivery address (the address I put is outside his area of delivery) so I email him to let him know. I don’t hear back. A few days later I see him.)

Me: “Hi, [Owner]. I put an order through on your website, but I put the wrong address. I emailed you. Did you see it?”

Owner: “Oh, no, my email’s been down. Email me your details and I’ll sort it out.”

(I resend the email. When I see him the next week…)

Me: “Hey, did you get that email I sent you about my order?”

Owner: “I’ve just got a new secretary and I’m training her to deal with my emails. She mustn’t have got to that one yet. Write it down for me now.”

(I do so. The next week…)

Me: “Hi, [Owner], I still haven’t heard from you regarding my order…”

Owner: “My new secretary is s***. Sorry, send me another email, this time on [new email address]. I’ll sort it out.”

(This continues for about two months. Eventually I ask for my money back.)

Me: “Look, it’s been a while. I’ve bought some toilet roll. Can I just have my money back? I paid Paypal.”

Owner: “Sure, I’ll just reverse the transaction.”

(Lo and behold… next week…)

Me: “Hey, I haven’t got my refund yet.”

Owner: “Oh, yeah. How much was it again?”

Me: “About £30.”

Owner: “I’ll bring cash next week.”

(It took three more weeks for me to get my money back.)

(I’ve just had a customer complain because I informed her she was waiting at an unmanned till while serving other customers. She complained to the manager, by which time she’s accusing me of being rude, something that struck everyone who heard as out of character.)

Manager: “I had a rather loud woman complain about you telling her to go to the queue.”

Me: “[Colleague on the ice cream stand] is on break, and it’s not fair on those waiting in the queue to jump it to serve her.”

Manager: “That’s what I thought; did you apologise for the inconvenience?”

Me: “I always break these things with, ‘I’m sorry’ but I guess she didn’t like the fact I was serving other customers at the same time.”

Manager: “Then there’s nothing you need to worry about. Well, there is one thing.”

Me: “Huh?”

Manager: “I’m not letting you back on the front line without a smile.”

(I admit, that made me laugh.)

(I get to have this conversation at least once per work-day.)

Customer: “Do you work here?”

Me: “I’m the plant vendor. If you have a question about the flowering plants, I can help you.”

Customer: “Great. Can you help me with the lawn mowers/barbecues/pots?”

(Said with varying levels of politeness.)

Me: “I work with the plants…”

(The reception desk at our hotel has a bell one can ring if there isn’t a member of staff present. On this particular day, however, I’m working the desk and therefore see this person the instant he comes into the lobby.)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir! Are you—”

Man: “Whoa, hold on there! You’re not supposed to speak to me yet!”

(He hits the bell to make it ring.)

Man: “Okay, now you can address me.”

Me: “Uh, that’s not what the bell is for, but okay. Are you checking in?”

Man: “Yes” *gives reservation details*

Me: “Excellent. I just—”

Man: “No! We just went over this!” *rings the bell* “Now you can speak!”

Me: “…I need a credit card for the reservation.”

(He turns away to search his carry bag. I take this opportunity and move the bell under the desk.)

Man: “Okay, here…” *notices* “Hey, where’s the bell?”

Me: “It’s not needed while I’m here, sir. It’s only to alert the receptionist that a guest is at the desk while they’re in the back room or working on the computer.”

Man: “Give me back the d*** bell!”

Me: “I won’t, sir. I’m right here, and it’s not to be abused just to signify when I can speak to you.”

Man: “Fine!” *smacks the desk with his hand* “DING DING! Okay, now, where are my keys?”

Me: “Right here. Our check out policy is—”

Man: “Nooooo…” *smacks the desk again* “DING DING! Okay, now, what were you about to say?”

(I quickly go through the rest of the check in process and send him on his way, adding a note about his bizarre behaviour. True to form we had to take the bell off the desk again when he checked out, and he did the same schtick of hitting the desk, pretending like it was still there.)

Customer: “I want a hazelnut cappuccino.”

Me: “Okay, just to be sure, did you want a latte or a cappuccino? Cappuccinos have less milk and more foam.”

Customer: *usually with a look of pure smugness* “No, I want a cappuccino.”

(I make their drink with all the extra foam. It is served in the same size cups as the lattes.)

Customer: “Excuse me! This was only like two mouthfuls! Why wasn’t my drink full?”

Me: “As I mentioned, cappuccinos are made with less milk and more foam. Lattes, however, are made with the cup filled with steamed milk.”

Customer: “Oh, I wanted a latte.”