(We are setting up a new store. The owners want to open as soon as possible so leave part of the store blocked off because it hasn’t been set up yet. An older woman approaches me.)

Customer: “What’s in that area?”

Me: “Nothing at the moment but it will be [Department] when it is.”

(She starts moving stock that we have blocking access into the area, as it’s dangerous to have customers wandering around in there.)

Me: “Sorry, you can’t go in there.”

Customer: “I want to see what’s in there.”

Me: “I can’t let you in there. There isn’t anything set up in there yet.”

Customer: *yelling at me* “HOW DARE YOU OPEN THE SHOP BEFORE YOU HAVE EVERYTHING SET UP?!”

(I am a seasonal employee at a well-known toy store. An old lady, we’re talking, like, eighty or so years old, comes up to me while I am organizing the shelves.)

Customer: “Excuse me, where are your Doras?”

Me: *smiling* “Oh, right this way, ma’am!” *I lead her to the large section of Dora toys and plushies* “All our Doras are right here.”

Customer: *looks troubled* “Oh, no, sweetie. I can’t give my grandbaby these Doras. I need a white Dora.”

Me: “I’m sorry but—”

Customer: “I can’t give my baby a brown Dora! You understand, don’t you?”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. But I’m afraid there’s no Doras that aren’t… brown. I can show you some of our… white baby dolls.”

Customer: “No, dear, that’s all right. Thank you for your help.”

(She left, and I was trying not to laugh at the whole exchange. I found out from my sister, who worked at the same store, but in the mall, that the same lady came in and asked her the same thing! She said about the same thing I did, except the woman finally bought a baby doll. A black one.)

Me: “Good morning. You’ve reached [Company]. [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hi, I’m calling from [Local Kindergarten] regarding your products.”

(I’m surprised but think she might want to know something for educational reasons since I can’t think of any possible way our products could be used in a kindergarten.)

Me: “Sure, go on! I’m happy to help you with your questions or put you through to somebody who can.”

Caller: “We’re soon hosting a carnival and I just wanted to make sure: Are your products safe to use on small children?”

Me: “Wait… WHAT?!”

Caller: “Aren’t you [Makeup Company]?”

Me: “No… we’re a manufacturer for mechanical milkers… for cows.”

Caller: “Oh… Oh, dear! I already thought your company name sounded weird. I’m very sorry. Please don’t tell anybody about this…”

(Turned out said makeup company had the same number as we did, only with a different area code. However, “But can we safely use that product on small children?” still is a running gag in our technical department.)

Customer: “What is 25 multiplied by 24?”

Me: “That comes to 600.”

Customer: “WHY?!”

Me: “I’m sorry… Are you asking me why it comes to 600?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Me: “Because of math?”

I work in a library.

A guy from Florida called because he found a painting in his mother in law’s garage and wanted to know what kind of turkey was in it.