The Son Of Captain Obvious

| Right | February 7, 2008

(Our offices are on the 8th floor of a building. The upper floors are occupied by an art school.)

Student 1: “Oh, wow. The elevators on this side of the building are really small.”

Student 2: “No, they’re not. It’s just their size that makes them look small.”

Me:

 

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How To Scam A Scammer, Part 4

, | | Right | February 7, 2008

(My mom and I did long shifts at the restaurant we worked at, from 10 AM to 9 PM. Around 6:30 PM we received a call from a customer.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m calling in for a complaint.”

Me: “Okay, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “Yeah, I came in this morning and ordered some food, but the guy there, he just PUNCHED me in the face!”

Me: “Wh…you’re saying somebody working here punched you? When?”

Customer: “It was today around noon. The man working there punched me. So can I get some free food? ‘Cause it really hurt. I mean, I could sue you guys.”

Me, trying really hard not to laugh: “I’m sorry, sir, we can’t do that. My mother and I have been working here since the restaurant opened and I assure you, neither of us have punched you in the face. Also, we only have female employees…”

Customer: “…Oh.” *click*

 

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Precision Pillows

| | Right | February 7, 2008

(On the phone…)

Customer: “Hi, I want to book a room with 2 beds for tomorrow.”

Me: “Sure thing sir, lucky for you we’re not busy this weekend and have several rooms available. ”

Customer: “Great, and how many pillows do the beds have?”

Me: “Umm, I think there’s 2 on each bed.”

Customer: “Can you check?”

Me: “Okay….I’ll just be a moment.”

(I go and check the nearest room’s bed and the next room along to be safe.)

Me: “Yes, 2 per bed.”

Customer: “So my room will have 2 pillows on each bed?”

Me: “That’s correct, sir.”

Customer: “I only like one pillow on my bed, can you give me a different room with a bed that only has one pillow on one of the beds?”

Me: “Umm…you could always just take the other pillow off your bed when you go to sleep.”

Customer: “What? No, I want one of the rooms with one less pillow on one bed.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have rooms with specific numbers of pillows–”

Customer: “–but you have rooms with specific number of beds!”

Me: “Yes…that’s pretty much the norm, sir…”

Customer: “Don’t get smart honey, I want a room with 2 beds, 2 pillows on one of them but only 1 on the other. That’s what I want.”

Me: *sigh* “Okay sir, I’ll personally remove one of the bed’s pillows before you arrive tomorrow, how’s that?”

Customer: “Good, that works for me. Hang on, are the pillows thick fluffy ones or skinny flat ones? Because if they’re skinny, I’ll just keep both of them.”

Me:

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A Rose By Any Other Name, Part 2

| | Right | February 6, 2008

Customer: “Do you serve boneless wings?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do.”

Customer: “Ok, then that’s what I’d like to order.”

(I bring the customer her meal.)

Customer: “Here are your boneless wings, ma’am. Enjoy.”

Customer: “This isn’t what I ordered.”

Me: “These are the boneless wings your ordered ma’am.”

Customer: “No, these are chicken tenders. I want boneless wings.”

Me: “Ma’am, boneless wings are basically chicken tenders.”

Customer: “No, I want chicken wings with no bones!”

Me: “Yeah…those don’t exist.”

 

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Yeah, And I’d Like A Unicorn

| Right | February 6, 2008

(Customer walks onto the lot looking for a car.)

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Yeah, I am looking for a cheap car that will go forever on a tank of gas and will last forever, so I don’t have to take it for any tune ups.

Me: “Me too. In fact let me know when you find it, and I’ll make a better offer on it!”

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