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The customer is NOT always right!

The Signature Of A Bad Customer

| Right | August 4, 2017

(Our store’s chip reader doesn’t accept American Express, so we have to check ID and swipe the cards. Also, store policy is that cards must be signed.)

Customer: “Amex, please.”

Me: “Sure! I just need to see your ID.”

(I notice as I compare the two that the card isn’t signed.)

Me: “And would you mind just signing your card, please?”

Customer: “NO. I don’t sign cards. I’ll give you any kind of ID you want, but I’m not signing it.”

(He then yanks out another piece of ID — his signed Visa! Eventually, since he adamantly refused to sign the card, his wife wound up paying for it all.)

Every Beeping Time

| Right | August 4, 2017

(I handle insurance claims that can be done over the phone. When I’m on the phone with one customer and another line rings, I try to answer and let them know I’ll call them back so they don’t have to leave a message. The following exchange happens almost every time:)

Me: “Thank you for calling the claims department. This is [My Name]. I’m actually on the other line right now. If I can get your name, phone number, and claim number, I can give you a call back as soon as I’m done with this other call!

(Silence.)

Me: “Hello? Is anyone there?”

Caller: “Oh, I was waiting for a beep.”

(This has started to happen so much that I have to intentionally say things like “uh” or “um” or mumble/hiccup so they don’t think I’m a recording!)

Stemming The Sauce Of Your Problems

| Right | August 4, 2017

(This occurs in the drive-thru of a popular fast food place. My friend always asks me to drive her there. The same thing always happens.)

Friend: “Can I get… uhh… two [Sandwich]s… uhh… a small fry and… uhh… a small Coke!”

(The attendant repeats the order, gives the total, and directs us to the window where we pay. My friend always waits until the last second to ask for sauces.)

Friend: “Hey, can I get some BBQ and honey mustard?”

Drive-Thru Attendant: “They’re 50 cents apiece.”

Friend: “That’s bull-s***! F****** ridiculous! 50 cents for a little-a** cup of sauce?” *as she’s digging for change* “You’re f****** company makes so much god-d*** money.”

Me: “God-d***-it, [Friend]! You pull this s*** every time we come here and it’s EMBARRASSING! She doesn’t make the prices nor does she get to see those millions in profits. We work in fast food, too, and hate when customers are rude to us. How DARE you treat these employees like that?! Every time we come here they tell you it’s 50 cents for sauce. Order it with your meal, pay for it, and shut the f*** up.”

(I turn to the attendant who has been standing at the window with a shocked look on her face. My friend stares at me meekly and hands me the dollar for her sauces which I pass along to the girl.)

Me: “Thanks, love, and sorry about her. Have a good night and I hope the rest of your customers aren’t as bad as my friend.”

(She never b****ed about paying extra for sauces again.)

Their Complaints Are Raw Ignorance

| Right | August 3, 2017

(An older woman, older man, teenage girl, and a middle-aged woman are sitting at a table I serve and seem dissatisfied with something as they eat.)

Me: “Is there something wrong with your meals?”

Teenage Girl: “Ah… no. Thank you.”

(She’s picking the bacon off of her sandwich and putting it to side of her plate.)

Middle-Aged Woman: “Actually, her bacon just seems a little raw, so could ya’ll just give her some better cooked pieces?”

Teenage Girl: “Mom it’s just smoked. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

(It’s clear she’s trying not to cause a fuss.)

Older Woman: “[Teenage Girl], baby, it’s not smoked. That’s clearly raw!”

(Older Woman snatches the bacon off of the plate and examines it with her fork and fingers.)

Me: “At [Restaurant] we smoke our bacon, so I assure you it isn’t raw.”

Older Man: “Naw, look at it. It’s raw.”

Older Woman: “Would you eat that? That’s NASTY! Are ya’ll trying to kill my niece?”

(Older Woman picks up the bacon and puts it in my palms.)

Older Man: “That’s RAW! If it’s not, then eat it!”

Me: “Sir, ma’am, I promise you that isn’t raw.”

Older Woman: “I DEMAND to see your manager. You can’t just feed people raw meat!”

Teenage Girl: “Seriously it’s fine.”

Older Man: “Baby, it’s not fine. We’re gonna getcha cooked meat and yell at them people for trying to give you Ebola.”

(I think she confused Ebola for E. Coli)

Teenage Girl: “I’m not going to get Ebola…”

Me: “Well, since you now know that the bacon is not raw I’ll let you continue your meal.”

(I put the bacon that was semi-chewed in a napkin and tossed it in the trash. I quit that day.)

Hot And Bothered

| Right | August 3, 2017

(I’m making a woman’s order of about four drinks. I’m just finishing the last drink which is a hot chocolate and she is watching me steam the milk.)

Customer: “Do you use hot or cold milk for your hot chocolate?”

Me: *confused* “Sorry?”

Customer: “Do you use hot or cold milk for the hot chocolate?”

Me: “Umm, we make the HOT chocolate with HOT milk.”

Customer: *sounding vaguely disappointed* “Oh, okay.”

(I still have no idea what she meant.)