Regardless Of Their Platforms, They’re All The Same

I’m a graphic artist, and several of my clients are politicians. Here are some of the requests they’ve made.

Client #1: “Make me thinner.”

Client #2: “Give me more hair.”

Client #3: “Remove the bags under my eyes.”

Client #4: “Use this photo of my face, but put me in the suit from this magazine — you know, like paper dolls.”

Client #5: “I love this old photo of me, but my ex-wife is in it. Take her out and put in my current wife.”

Client #6: “Here’s a photo of me debating my opponent. Make me look taller than him. Also, could you make it look like he’s sweating?”

Client #7: “It’s important that everyone sees how family-oriented I am. Make my wife stand out more. Now make my kids stand out more. Now make me stand out more, because now you can’t tell I’m the focal point.”

The best, though, is that this has been an exchange I’ve had with every politician client.

Client #8: “Above all, this has to be unique!”

Me: “Understood.”

Client #8: “Great. Now use the American flag as a background, and make the text red and blue.”