Nice Job Telling On Yourself

I work in a high-theft area, and we often have issues with people trying to pass counterfeit bills. In my counterfeit bill training, the first thing I learned was that $100 bills from before 1996 are out of circulation due to not having any of the modern security measures, and if, for some reason, someone still has one, accepting it as payment — even if it’s not counterfeit — is against the law.

I’m helping a customer refill a prepaid card. She hands me a stack of hundred-dollar bills, and I take them and mark them and then check for ghosts, as I was taught. Out of habit, I check the dates on all of them, and I do a double-take.

I speak in a friendly “I know this isn’t your fault, but there’s an issue” voice.

Me: “Oh. I apologize, but I can’t accept this bill.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because it’s from 1988 and should have been removed from circulation years ago. We can’t accept anything from before 1996.”

Customer: “Really? But I just got it from the bank!”

Me: *Trying not to laugh* “Oh! Well, I would like to know which bank is breaking federal law! You should change your bank!”

Customer: “I mean, I got it from the ATM!”

Me: *Holding back tears* “Well, then, you should take it to the bank, and they’ll sort this out for you!”

Customer: “Are you sure you can’t…”

Me: “Sorry, but I like my job. But I’m positive that if it’s all just an innocent mistake, then the bank will definitely be able to help you.”

After she leaves…

Coworker: “You know that’s probably fake, right?”

Me: “Oh, most definitely.”

Coworker: “You know the bank doesn’t replace fake bills, right?”

Me: “Oh, I know. But I’m not telling her that. She lied to my face twice. ATM? Really? When was the last time you got anything larger than a twenty from an ATM?”

Coworker: “Now that you mention it…”