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Fighting Ignorance With Ignorance

, , , | Right | March 3, 2009

(A customer walks up to the counter where we have LGBT books up for Pride month.)

Customer: “What the h***! Why are you guys showing off all these hommasesual books?”

Me: “Homma what?”

Customer: “Hommasesual books… you know, dudes with other dudes and stuff. You should be ashamed.”

Me: “I still don’t understand. I have no idea what a hommasesual is or ‘dudes with other dudes.’ I’m not sure what that means.”

Customer: “Oh, you all are a bunch of f**s here!”

Coworker: “What, you’re looking for bags?”

Customer: *gets fed up and leaves*

Thanks For (Almost) Nothing

, , , , | Right | March 3, 2009

(I’ve just activated a cable channel for a woman and am ending the call.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yeah, how much was it again?”

Me: “It’s $4.01 a month, ma’am.”

Customer: “Why $4.01? Why not just four dollars?”

Me: “Ma’am, I only activate the channels, I don’t set the prices.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. I don’t know if I want it anymore. It should only be four dollars.”

Me: “I can certainly put in a complaint for you.”

Customer: “Yeah, you do that. And you take it off and I don’t want to pay that fee for taking it off. It should only be four dollars!”

Me: “Look, ma’am, I’ll find twelve cents and mail it to you. That covers that one cent for a whole year. Can I have your address?”

Customer: “Have a nice day!”

(And then she hung up on me.)

Note From God: Waters & Land First, Then Creatures

, , , | Right | March 3, 2009

Customer: “I would like a refund, I found all my fish that I bought from you two days ago dead this morning.”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine. How old was the tank?”

(As long as the customer has followed our advice, we can refund or replace any fish lost.)

Customer: “A week.”

Me: “Right, so you put the fish in two days ago? The tank had been running for a week prior to that with the filter on 24/7? And you had everything in the tank before you put the fish in?”

Customer: “I did it just as you advised me to last week and everything was in the tank except the gravel, which I put in yesterday afternoon.”

Me: “So you put the gravel into the tank when the fish were already in there?”

Customer: “Yes. I would like those fish replaced, please.”

(Note: pouring gravel on fish’s heads = bad idea. We did give her replacements, but these fish could not be refunded.)

The Spirit Is Willing But The Mind Is Dumb

, , , | Right | March 3, 2009

Customer: “I have an account at one of your other branches, but I’ve never rented here before.”

Me: “Okay, I just need to take a look at a valid photo ID and give them a call to get you set up.” (She holds out her ID card. When I go to take it from her hand, she tightens her grip and refuses to let go.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’ll need to take a look at your ID to confirm that you are who you say you are.”

Customer: “You can see my picture. That’s enough.”

Me: “I’m afraid it isn’t. I need to enter the number on your ID and confirm that it matches the information the other store has in its system.”

Customer: “When I rented at your other store they didn’t ask to do that.”

Me: “If that is, in fact, the case, they didn’t follow procedure. I’m the manager of this store and if I found out someone on my staff was ignoring this procedure, I’d be quite upset. We need to confirm your identity in order to protect you.”

Customer: *yelling* “My privacy is very important! I know that you’re only saying these things because your computer won’t let you rent to me without something in that field! I don’t want my personal information compromised! Call my regular store and get my id number from them so I can take my movies and never have to come back here and deal with this sort of treatment!”

Me: “I understand that your privacy is important to you. If you would just let me see your ID I can put your information in the system and you can be on your way.”

Customer: “You saw my ID! Now call the other store and get my ID number from them! My privacy is very important to me!”

Me: “So in the interest of protecting your privacy, you would like me to call the other store, on a Friday night, at 7:00 pm, and have the clerk read your ID number over the phone, out loud, in the middle of the store.”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Instead of just letting me enter the information from your ID.”

Customer: “Yes! Why is this so hard to understand?!”

Me: “Because that would seem to be a much greater risk to your privacy than–”

Customer: “Just do your job and respect my privacy! My privacy is very important to me!”


This story is part of our Identity Theft roundup!

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Read the Identity Theft roundup!

We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Can

, , , , | Right | March 3, 2009

(I am working at the paint desk when a customer calls the store.)

Customer: “Can you mix up my paint and have it ready when I get there? I have the formula.”

Me: “I can take the formula and stage it, but I can’t mix it until you arrive. What is the formula on the can?”

Customer: “It’s got 20% Magenta, 30% Cyan, 30% Yellow Oxide, and 30% White.”

Me: “It says that on the can?”

Customer: “No, that’s what I had them put in last time.”

Me: “Sir, that’s more than 100%. The formula you gave me is impossible to make.”

Customer: “I’ll just come down there and have someone who understands make it for me.” *click*