(I work at a chain coffee shop. The building is on the side of a hill; directly behind the shop is a sheer drop off. Every Sunday morning, a woman comes in with same conversation.)

Woman: “Why don’t you have a drive through? The coffee shop in every other town has a drive through!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s no room around the back of the building for a drive through.”

Woman: “This is ridiculous! If you weren’t the only place on the way to church to get coffee, I’d never stop here. The one day of the week I have to wear heels; I have to walk across the parking lot!”

(One Sunday morning, there is a loud crash, and the building shakes. I run outside; the woman has rammed her car between the back of the building and the cliff side. The entire front of the car is hanging off of the edge. Her airbag has deployed and she seems dazed. She starts to open the door. I start yelling.)

Me: “No! Climb out through the back!”

(We eventually get her inside, and call the cops.)

Woman: “I was trying to prove there’s enough room for them to have a drive through. I guess I was wrong!”

(The company won for damages. A family whose home was hit by debris rolling down the hill sued her as well. Seemed like way more trouble in the end than just walking into a building for a latte!)

(I work as a receptionist in a doctor’s office. There are about 10 people who have been waiting for at least 90 minutes. It’s very quiet. A young man mumbles something. Some people look his way, but other than that no one pays much attention to him. He then starts singing, a little louder…)

Young Man: “Put a gun against his head…”

(Some people chuckle.)

Young Man: “Pulled my trigger…”

(The young woman sitting across from him joins in.)

Young Woman: “…now he’s dead.”

Old Man: “Mama, life had just begun…”

Young man: “But now I’ve gone and thrown it all awaaaay…”

All Three: “Mama, oooooooh! Didn’t mean to make you cry!”

Teenage Girl: “If I’m not back again this time tomorrow…”

All: “…carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters!”

(By now, everyone in the waiting room has joined in.)

All: “Too late, my time has come! Send shivers down my spine, body’s achin’ all the time!”

(They finish the refrain just as the doctor calls his next patient. Needless to say, that little impromptu performance really brightened my day!)

(It’s kicking out time at the nightclub. A desperate young man  has been making passes at me all night. He comes out with his one final, killer, guaranteed-to-work, chat-up line.)

Desperate Young Man: “Can I come home with you? It won’t take very long.”

(I try to give him a reply, but I laugh too hard.)

(My gay friend, Josh, is on his way over to my house.)

Dad: “You have company coming; make your bed!”

(I am being lazy. I fling my comforter on top of the bed, and decide that is good enough. I call out so Dad will hear me, and hopefully let me go back to watching TV.)

Me: “There, it’s been straightened… sort of.”

(Dad walks in.)

Dad: “Josh is straighter than that.”

(My younger sister is sitting at the kitchen table eating, while my middle sister and my mom discuss my oldest sister being pregnant. They begin to go into great deal about childbirth.)

Younger Sister: “Ew! I’m just trying to eat my soup without puking!”

Middle Sister: “And I’m just trying to have a nice conversation while you’re eating soup.”

Younger Sister: “You don’t even have kids! Why do you know all this?”

(They ignore her and go back to their conversation. My younger sister becomes visibly pale, and shoves her soup away.)

Younger Sister: “Ew! I am never f****** having kids!”

(She storms off. My mother looks quite satisfied, despite the bad language.)

Me: “You know you’ve scarred her for life, right?”

Mother: “Yeah, but she’s 17. I just want to make sure she stays as far away from guys as possible.”