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Postal Paranoia

, , , , , , | Right | May 13, 2008

Me: “All right, ma’am. And may I have your zip code?”

Woman: “No.”

Me: “Well, it’s something I have to take. Don’t worry, we–”

Woman: “No!”

Me: “I, uh–”

Woman: “No! You’re not getting my zip code.”

Me: “Right. Because I’m going to TAKE that zip code and knock on the door of EVERY house in the code just to FIND YOU!”

(The customer left, but I felt a lot better.)


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Delivery Failure: Sender Too Stupid

, , , | Right | May 13, 2008

Customer: “So it says ‘message sent’… does that mean it’s been sent?”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “Oh okay. So they should receive that, then?”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “Okay. And I mean, if they received it, will they get back to me right away?”

Me: “Well, it depends how long it takes them.”

Customer: “Oh. So how do I know if it’s sent?”

Me: “It says ‘message sent’ on the screen.”

Customer: “Oh okay. So when should I expect a reply?”

Me: “…”

(Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time this routine has been carried out, with the same person.)

Night Vision Might Be Good, Too

, , , , | Right | May 13, 2008

(I’m selling a camcorder to a man and his girlfriend. The guy is clueless about cameras and the girl knows a little bit more.)

Guy: “I don’t really know too much about cameras, she knows more than I do. I just want something good.”

Me: “Well this one is good because…” *explaining*

Guy: *to girl* “Honey, do you understand any of this?”

Girl: “Yeah, don’t worry. I think I know what we want.”

Guy: *to me* “Look, if you had to choose a camera to take naked pictures of her–” *points to girlfriend* “–which would you choose?”

Me: “Well… this one has a built-in hard drive so you can tape for longer without changing tapes.”

(The guy’s phone rings and he leaves me alone with his girlfriend.)

Girl: “Do you get that a lot?”

Me: “More than you would think.”

At Least She’s Not Returning Used Diapers

, , , , | Right | May 12, 2008

(I was working checkouts the other day when I overheard this happening at the service desk.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these outfits.”

Coworker: “All right, may I see your receipt?”

(The customer hands over a receipt dated about seven months ago.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, we can only accept returns within the first ninety days.”

Customer: “But my child outgrew these! Am I supposed to just lose money on them?”

Coworker: “Ma’am, children do tend to outgrow clothing.”

Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to do with them? Why should I lose money because of this?!”

Coworker: “…”


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(Full) Front(al) Desk

, , , | Right | May 12, 2008

Me: “Good morning, sir, would you like a room for the night?”

Husband: “Ummmmm… I dunno, let me go ask my wife.”

(He leaves for about ten minutes.)

Husband: “She said yes. How much for one bed?”

Me: “It’s 79 plus tax, sir, but the only single bedrooms we have right now are smoking rooms.”

Husband: “Okay, let me go ask my wife.”

(He’s gone for another ten minutes or so. He comes back with his wife.)

Wife: “Why don’t you have any non-smoking rooms?”

Me: “We sold out of them earlier this afternoon. In fact, we only have three rooms left for the night.”

Wife: “Well, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard in all my life! You are going to rent me a room or I’m going to have to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, what kind of room would you like? ”

Wife: “WE would like a single, NON-SMOKING ROOM!”

Me: “I already told you and your husband that we only have smoking rooms available.”

Wife: “I. WANT. NON. SMOKING.”

Me: “I only have smoking rooms left. If you want, though I can give you the location of another hotel.”

Husband: “We’re only gonna be here a few hours. Smoking is fine. I’m just sleeping.”

(They bicker back and forth for nearly twenty minutes. Another customer comes up to the desk, and I offer to help her.)

Wife: “You will not help anyone else until you help me!”

(The other customer doesn’t seem to mind and stands back.)

Wife: “Just give me the stupid smoking room.”

Me: “I need to see your driver’s license, ma’am.”

Wife: “WHAT? ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME! I’VE NEVER BEEN ASKED FOR MY LICENSE AT ANY HOTEL BEFORE!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s standard procedure for pretty much any hotel you go to. It’s for liability reasons, and in case the room is damaged in any way.”

Wife: “F*** YOU! YOU’RE A F***ING SPY! I WILL NOT BE KEPT UNDER SURVEILLANCE! F*** YOU AND YOUR STUPID F***ING HOTEL!”

(The wife proceeds to throw everything she can reach at me, and tries coming over the counter at me. She then starts stripping off her clothes and running around in circles in the lobby. Thankfully the other customer calls 911 and the police arrive in moments. I gave the second lady a complimentary room.)


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