All of our stories, starting with the newest!
(My younger sister is 23, and has brought her boyfriend over. To our surprise, he is her close friend from middle school.)
Dad: “We should have known you two would get together! Always going over to his house to ‘help him with his algebra.’ When all along, you two were trying to multiply!”
Sister: “Dad! Cut it out!”
Sister’s Boyfriend: “Sir, multiplication is a skill you start learning in elementary school.”
Mom: “Well, then how come we don’t have any products yet?!”
(My sister is 22 and I’m 19, so neither of us are children. I have dimples; one on either side of my face. My sister has said something that makes me smile.)
Sister: “Aw! Look at the dimples; they’re so cute!” *pokes my dimples*
Me: “Dimples are simply muscle deformities; how are they possibly cute?”
(Fast forward about a week. My sister is having trouble putting something in a box, and I can’t help but try to hold back laughter, causing the dimples to show.)
Sister: “Aw! Look at the muscle deformities!”
(My eight-year-old daughter has been begging for a cell phone, and is jealous of her 11-year-old friend who just got her first cell, an older iPhone. My husband and I take them both to a local farm.)
Me: “[Friend], your phone’s falling out of your pocket; you should have left it in the car.”
Friend: “But I’m taking pictures of the kittens.”
Me: “I guess that’s reasonable.”
Daughter: “And her mom called her.”
Me: “Oh, why’d she call?”
Friend: “She just wanted to make sure we got here.”
Me: “Nope, we sold you to sea traders.”
(Everyone laughs.)
Daughter: “Mom? If we do sell her, can I have her phone?”
This story is part of our iPhone roundup!
(I am in high school, and am about to go spend a weekend down at the beach drinking with friends. My mother is very anti-alcohol, but also has a tendency to assume people are innocent. It is also pouring with rain outside and very chilly.)
Me: “Alright, I am off.”
Mom: “What are y’all going to do down there anyway?”
Me: *nervously* “Uh we are going to go fishing.”
Mom: *cheerfully* “Oh okay, have fun!”
(Mom leaves the room.)
Dad: “Really? Fishing? That was the best you could come up with?”
(I’ve gone with my boss to look at new desk chairs for our office.)
Me: “This one’s comfy!”
My Boss: “How much is that one?”
Salesman: “$280.”
Me: “Really? But it looks just like this one in the catalog that’s $179.”
Salesman: “No, see how the back is different?”
Me: “A little.”
My Boss: “I’m buying a lot of chairs. Is it possible to get a discount?”
Salesman: “No, $280 is the price. Plus delivery.”
My Boss: “Delivery? I’ve bought furniture from you a dozen times, and you’ve never charged us for delivery! We’re around the corner from you!”
Salesman: “Sorry, our prices are set.”
(The manager, whom my boss has done business with before, enters the showroom.)
Manager: “Hi, nice to see you again. What are you looking for?”
My Boss: “I want a set of office chairs, but your salesman said you can’t go below $280 for these. And are you charging for delivery now?”
Manager: “$280? That chair is $150! And no, we don’t charge for delivery.”
My Boss: *to salesman* “Is that true?”
(The salesman’s ears turn red.)
Manager: *to my boss* “I’m handling your account from now on.”
