Neither Snow Nor Rain Nor Heat Nor Quantum Physics

(I work at a post office. Just before closing, two women approach the window.)

Customer: “I have my mail on hold, and we’re going away tomorrow. Can I pick up tomorrow’s mail?”

Me: *trying not to laugh in her face* “Ma’am, we won’t have tomorrow’s mail until tomorrow.”

Customer: “Well, can I go to the distribution center–” *five minutes from the office where we’re located* “–to pick up tomorrow’s mail?”

Me: “They don’t even have tomorrow’s mail. Why don’t you stop by tomorrow after ten am for tomorrow’s mail?”

(The customers leave with a confused look on their faces, not making a fuss but definitely not understanding that the post office ascribes to a linear understanding of time and cannot, in fact, give them their mail before it arrives.)