(I am in a physics lesson. Some other students are discussing their recent German exam.)
Teacher: “I don’t see why people take German. They only speak it in Germany.”
Me: “What about Austria and Switzerland?”
Teacher: “Yeah, but if you take something like Spanish, you can use it in places like Brazil!”
Me: “In Brazil, they speak Portuguese.”
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(I am in a sophomore-level world history course. The professor is discussing World War I.)
Professor: “So, what factors led to the US involvement in the war?”
Student #1: “To prevent Saddam Hussein from obtaining weapons of mass destruction.”
Professor: *pause* “No, the US involvement in World War I. The conflict we have been studying for the past three classes. You should have read about this in your textbook. Why did the US enter the war?”
Student #2: “To free the southern slaves.”
Professor: *shocked* “Uh… The Civil War occurred in the 1860s, many decades before the first World War.”
Student #2: “No. Rosa Parks became president in the 1930s, which started the Civil War. We then fought the Confederacy, yes? Led by Hitler?”
Professor: *speechless*
Student #3: “[Student #2] is right. He’s very smart. He was an honors student last year.”
(My statistics teacher is a sweet, slightly ditzy lady. We are working through a problem as a class while she writes the work out on the board.)
Teacher: “Okay, so what number did you get from that?”
Student #1: “4.03.”
Teacher: *confused look* “What?”
Student #2: “It’s… 4.03.”
Teacher: *blankly “Four…?”
Student #1: *nods*
Teacher: *writes ‘1.04’ on the board*
Student #1: “Sorry, that’s supposed to be 4.03.”
Teacher: “Oh!” *writes correct number*
(Later as we are working through another problem based on the same data.)
Teacher: *embarrassed* “So, what was that number again?”
Student #1: “Four. Point. Zero. Three.”
Teacher: *writes ‘4.0,’ then turns around looking sheepish*
Student #1: *sigh* “Three…”
Teacher: *smiling blankly, completes the number*
(A student comes up to me before class starts and shows me a rolled-up piece of paper about three inches long.)
Student: “Look, Miss [My Name]! When I get bored I like to roll up pieces of paper like this.”
Me: “Uh… That’s nice. Just so long as nobody mistakes you for rolling joints. Y’know?”
(I laugh it off and get to work. About five minutes later, the student approaches me again.)
Student: “Um, I wanted to ask you… What’s a joint?”
Me: “Oh, dear.”
Student: “I thought it was, like, your elbows and your knees.”
Me: “Just… never mind.”
(In English class, several students are discussing Disney songs. Key word: discussing, not singing.)
Student #1: *apropo of nothing* “Nooooo onnnnnne DRINKS like Gaston. No one FIGHTS like Gaston—“
Student #2: “No one falls off a tower and DIES like Gaston!”
