Keep A Close Crotch On This Student

| Learning | May 13, 2013

(I’m in an environmental science class for my science general education in college. The professor is explaining the difference between a jetty, usually used to stabilize an opening for an inlet, and a groin, used to prevent erosion.)

Professor: “So, let’s say [Student #1] built a groin where it would bulk up his section of shoreline. Then [Student #2] next door decided to build a groin for his section of beach, so all the sand moving with the current collects in front of his house instead of his neighbor’s. [Student #1], what would you do?”

Student #1: “I’d destroy his groin!”

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Pavlov’s Yell

| Learning | May 13, 2013

(A classmate of mine is constantly getting in trouble for chewing gum in class. My Religion teacher punishes this offense by requiring him to spit it out and put 25 cents in a jar for charity. One day, my teacher walks in and calls out my classmate’s name.)

Teacher: “[Classmate]!”

(My classmate immediately gets up, walks to the garbage can, spits out his gum, and puts a quarter in the jar.)

Teacher: “Ah, the power of guilt. Mr. [Classmate], I was actually going to compliment you on your perfect test score.”

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Lip Father, Lip Son

| Learning | May 13, 2013

(I’m getting my master’s degree so I can teach, so my aunt decides to invite me to her classroom one day so I can get some experience by spending an afternoon with her students. While we’re eating lunch in the teacher’s lounge, my aunt introduces me to somebody from my dad’s past.)

Aunt: “Oh, I want you to meet [teacher’s name]. [Teacher’s name], this is my nephew.”

Teacher: “Hmmm, you wouldn’t happen to be [my dad’s name]’s son, would you?”

Me: “You know my dad?”

Teacher: “Oh yeah, we dated back in high school.”

Me: “Wow, that’s crazy!”

Teacher: “Yeah, we were pretty serious back then.”

Me: “Um…”

Teacher: “50 years ago…”

Me: “…”

Teacher: “You know, you have your father’s lips.”

Me: *quickly rushing out of the lounge* “I’m going to go see if the students want somebody to referee their kickball game! Bye!”

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The Spinster With The Roadster

Learning | May 12, 2013

(We’re lining up the kindergartners to go to their next class. Note that I’m only 25.)

Me: *to a teacher* “So yeah, I’m figuring on going home after this.”

Kindergartener: “You can’t go home yet! You have to wait for your mom!”

Me: “No I don’t, sweetie. I have my own car.”

Kindergartener: *gasp* “Did you get married?”

Me: “No.”

Kindergartner: “Then you must be like fifty years old or something!”

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The Power Of A Candy-Do Attitude

Learning | May 12, 2013

(We’re learning about exponents. A rather chubby student who cries often is being helped by the teacher.)

Student: “So, 2 to the power of 2 is 4, right?”

Teacher: “Yeah. So what about 4 to the power of 2?”

Student: *confidently* “8!”

Teacher: “No, it’s 16.”

Student: “But that doesn’t make sense! You multiply the base number with the exponent!”

Teacher: “You see, with 2 to the power—”

Student: “I don’t get it! How do you do it?!”

Teacher: “Calm down. I’ll explain one more time.”

Student: *crying* “I want candy!”

Teacher: “What?”

Student: “Whenever I get upset at home, my mommy gives me candy!”

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