An Income Figure Of Speech

| Ontario, Canada | Learning | April 5, 2013

(I am a student teacher and it is the week before March Break. One of the students comes up to me at the end of the day.)

Student: “So, are you going to be back after March Break?”

Me: “Yeah, you’re stuck with me for a another six weeks. Poor you!”

Student: *strange look* “We’re not poor. We’re middle class!”

The Whole Tooth, And Nothing But The Tooth

| Ontario, Canada | Learning | April 5, 2013

(I’m a teacher at a small elementary school. I’m in the office checking my mail when two students enter. One of them is holding a tooth.)

Me: “Oh my. What happened here?”

Student #1: “[Student# 2] lost her tooth!”

Me: “Oh? And which tooth did you lose?”

Student #2: *holds up the tooth* “This one!”

Granny Get Your (Grandson’s) Guns

, | Connecticut, USA | Learning | April 5, 2013

(In my high school’s cafeteria, there are two cash registers where you pay for your food. One is run by a middle-aged man, and the other by an elderly woman. The following takes place in the elderly woman’s cash line as she is giving Customer #1 his change.)

Customer #1: “God, can you be any slower? We only got twenty minutes to eat, lady!”

(The elderly woman continues to count out the change, ignoring him.)

Customer #1: “Come ON! I mean, why haven’t they fired you yet?! You’re way too old and slow to be even working!”

(At this point, the rest of us in line, as well as the man running the second register and a couple of teachers, have had about enough. The guy in front of me, who happens to be this woman’s grandson and the captain of the wrestling team, taps Customer #1 on the shoulder.)

Customer #2: “What’s that you’re saying about my granny, punk?”

(Customer #1 goes ghost-white when he sees the muscle-bound kid behind him.)

Customer #1: “Uh, I—”

Customer #2: “She has been nothing but sweet to you this whole time. You have absolutely no right to speak to her that way.” *raises fist* “Apologize. Now.”

Customer #1: “I’m sorry, lady! I’m sorry!”

Customer #2: *fist still raised* “Now take your food and your change and don’t even think about insulting my granny again. Got that?”

(Customer #1 grabs his things and runs to a table, where the vice principal is waiting to take him for a little walk. As he and Customer #1 walk out of the cafeteria the rest of the student body explodes into cheers for Customer #2, who exchanges a quick hug with his granny and goes to sit down. Even champion wrestlers love their grannies!)

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Something’s Not Right-Clicking With This Student

| Alabama, USA | Learning | April 4, 2013

(I’m sitting in class taking a test which is printed off a computer screen-shot, so a scroll button was accidentally printed on the paper. A student raises their hand.)

Teacher: “Yes, [student’s name]?”

Student: “The scroll button won’t work!”

Entire Class: *giggles*

Teacher: *facepalm* “You do know this is on paper, right?”

Student: “Are you going to fix it or not?”

Teacher: *looks blankly at student*

(The student gets angry, starts stabbing his desk, and the paper tears.)

Student: “Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to break the computer!”

(By now, the entire class is currently laughing our guts out.)

Other Teacher: *enters room* “What’s all the laughing about?”

(Our teacher explains situation to the other teacher.)

Other Teacher: *begins laughing hysterically*

Teacher: *shakes head*

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The Smoker Of Two Evils

| Berkshire, UK | Learning | April 4, 2013

(The art project for Year Eight students at my school is to create a collage out of sweet wrappers. This exchange takes place between my colleague and a particularly troublesome student.)

Teacher: “Have you got your homework for me yet?”

Student: “Yes, sir, but it’s different to what you asked us to do.”

Teacher: “Why? You’ve had long enough to do it, and it’s late. What have you got for me?”

Student: “My mum said I’m not allowed to use sweet wrappers because sweets are bad for you.”

Teacher: “So what did you use instead?”

Student: “Cigarette cartons.”

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