Romulus & Dufus

| Learning | April 19, 2013

(We are playing a game modeled after a game show on TV to go over material for our history class.)

Teacher: “Okay, here’s the question: What people lived in the Roman Empire before the Romans?”

Ditzy Student: “Italians!”

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Tolerating Intolerance Can Be Intolerable

, | Learning | April 19, 2013

(The professor has just finished a lecture involving the vanara, a race of monkey-like semi-divine beings in an Indian religion. One student is frowning and clearly upset.)

Professor: “Ah, [student]? Do you have a question?”

Student: “I don’t know. Do people, like, actually believe in this stuff?”

Professor: “…What?”

Student: “I mean, it’s so ridiculous! People don’t actually believe this is real, right? So stupid.”

Professor: “Well, all right. You’re a Christian, aren’t you?”

Student: *proudly* “Yes, I am!”

Professor: “Do you interpret the Bible literally?”

Student: “Of course I do!”

Professor: “Well, there are plenty of things in the Bible that seem ridiculous or impossible as well, and yet you believe in those. I think it’s a little unfair to treat Hinduism — or Hindus — any differently.”

Student: “That’s completely different!”

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Even God Has Open Mic Nights

| Learning | April 18, 2013

Professor: “So now we’re going to learn about existentialism.”

(The microphone makes a hideous screeching sound.)

Professor: “My microphone doesn’t like this. I guess it’s not an atheist.”

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Please Let There Be A Make-Up Assignment

, | Learning | April 18, 2013

(My Spanish teacher is talking about the schedule for the upcoming class trip to New York City.)

Teacher: “…So then we go to a play. It’s in Spanish, but you can put on headphones which will give you an English translation, or you can try to make out—”

(Just then, the classroom phone rings, interrupting the teacher. The entire class begins laughing hysterically. The teacher answers the phone and talks for a bit and then continues where he left off.)

Teacher: “I meant you can listen to the English translation or try to make out what they’re saying in Spanish. Get your heads out of the gutter!”

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Now Play The Thong Song

, | Learning | April 18, 2013

(I teach viola lessons to students ages 6 to 18. One day I am showing a fourth grader how to change a string.)

Me: “You unwind it from here, see, and then just take it out of the tailpiece.”

(The student successfully removes the string and brandishes it.)

Student: “Look! I pulled off my G string!”

Me: *trying very hard to keep a straight face* “Good job, honey. Just never say that again, okay?”

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