You Just Got Schooled

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Learning | March 12, 2013

(This happens to a coworker after having an issue with an order.)

Customer: “That took long enough. This is why you should have gone to college!”

Coworker: “I’m only 16.”

Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t have dropped out, then!”

Coworker: “I didn’t. I’m still in school.”

Customer: “I… uh… have a nice day.” *leaves embarrassed*

 

The Klass Of 2015

, , , , | Learning | March 12, 2013

(I’m working clearing, which is when we take in calls about students who are in their last ditch effort to get into the university.)

Me: “Okay, that’s fine. I’m going to process your application now. Can I please take your first name?”

Student: “Yes. It’s…” *unintelligible speech*

Me: “Can you please spell that for me?”

Student: “Ugh, if I have to. It’s K…” *unintelligible*

Me: “Okay, can you repeat that for me? It starts with K?”

Student: “Yeah, you know. K as in Chicken.”

Freedom Of Screech

| North Carolina, USA | Learning | March 12, 2013

(I’m an Admissions Officer and am working at a college fair. We are not religiously affiliated. I run into an alum.)

Me: “Hi, is your daughter interested in [college]?”

Alum: “I’m an alum. Class of ’83.”

Me: “Fantastic!  I’m Class of ’04. Can I answer any questions for you?”

Alum: “I won’t be letting my daughter look here. I have some issues with how [college] is being run. God is not happy with you, and neither am I.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. If you’d like, I’d be happy to take your comment back to the Vice President of-”

Alum: “Are you aware that you let in students with liberal views and speakers with socialist leanings?”

Me: “Ma’am, we have a great deal of speakers on campus with a variety of view points.”

Alum: “The school has gone downhill since we let in those people! So I’ve stopped giving money. You can take that back to them. You’ll no longer see my $25 a year.”

Me: “Ma’am, as an alum myself, I’m proud to have graduated from a school that encourages both freedom of thought and speech in our students and speakers.”

Alum: “You don’t need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you.”

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A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Woes

| NY, USA | Learning | March 12, 2013

(My sister is doing a high school project at a grocery store where she has to interview the store manager. It’s in a shady part of town, so when she leaves her digital camera unattended for a few moments someone steals it. After alerting the security guard, he agrees to ask the customers in the store. The only people in the store at that time are my sister, the manager, my sister’s groupmates, a college student with an iPhone, and a few admittedly shabby-looking customers.)

Guard: *to the college student* “Excuse me, sir, can I inspect your bag? There’s a reported missing item.”

College Student: “I don’t have time for this! Those students should have taken better care of their belongings! I refuse to be searched!”

Guard: “But—”

College Student: “I’m a college student, for **** sake! Why would I steal a camera?!” *points to a shabby-looking customer*He’d have more reason to steal it! I refuse to waste my time for a bunch of kids who think their irresponsibility to take care of their camera makes them a priority!”

Guard: “Sir…when did I ever say the missing item was a camera?”

College Student: “I—”

Guard: “I’ll need to search your bag now, or if you’re in such a hurry, I can have your ID.”

(The college student consents and allows the guard to search his bag. Soon enough, the guard finds my sister’s camera.)

Guard: “Is this yours, ma’am?”

My Sister: “It is!”

College Student: “What the f***?! That’s mine! I’ll have it back now and be on my way, please!”

(The guard ignores the student and turns on the digital camera. The pictures show many pictures of my sister and her groupmates. There are also a few teenage pictures of my sister in that typical provocative teenage pose in front of the mirror while wearing a revealing two-piece. The college student turns paper white.)

College Student: “Oh, that camera! Yeah, I found it on the table someplace and I was going to return it, but totally forgot and—”

Guard: “Sir, I can either charge you with stealing, or I can charge you with stalking and pedophilia, since this lady is obviously a minor. Which one is it going to be?”

(In the end, my sister got her camera back and the college student was taken away by police. The guard got a raise!)

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No Aspirations As Long As You’re Under This Roof, Part 2

| California, USA | Learning | March 12, 2013

(I work at a call center for a university. We call prospective students and tell them about our school. This call was meant for a young lady but was taken by her father.)

Me: “I’m calling from [university] to talk to [girl] about her interest in attending our university.”

Father: “University? Like school, papers, homework, and stuff?!”

Me: “Yes, that stuff usually occurs in a university.”

Father: “My daughter ain’t goin’ there!”

Me: “All right, have a nice day, sir.”

 

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