In A State Of Entitlement

(I like to post memes on my “stories” — a social media picture post that only lasts 24 hours. One such recent post references figuring out why my head hurts — “caffeine, my ponytail, sleep deprivation, a brain tumor?” — which apparently draws this man’s attention. Day one, Monday:)

Man: “So, why does your head hurt?”

Me: *forgetting what I posted* “Sorry?”

Man: “Your head. You said it hurts.”

Me: “Oh! Haha, no, it’s okay. It’s just a joke.”

Man: “Oh, good.”

Me: “Yeah, but thank you for your concern!”

Man: “Yeah, no problem.”

(A few hours pass.)

Man: “I’m [Man].”

Me: “I’m [My Name].”

Man: “Where are you from, [My Name]?”

Me: “[State].”

Man: “I live in [City and State nowhere near me].”

Me: “I’ve heard it’s nice there.”

Man: “What’s so good about [My State]?”

Me: “It’s just where I’ve always lived.”

Man: “Maybe I’ll come to see you sometime.”

Me: “Do you visit [My State] often?

Man: “Never seen it before.”

Me: “Oh. Okay.”

Man: “Yeah, so when I come to see you, you can show me around.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think you should. I’m married and this is making me uncomfortable.”

Man: “Oh, sorry.”

(I then get a notification that he’s following me. I don’t go on social media every day, so when I finally do log in again on Friday, I see that I’ve missed all of this. Day two, Tuesday:)

Man: “Sorry I haven’t been texting you. I’ve been working”

Man: “Hey, you there?”

Man: “I’m trying to be nice to you.”

Man: “[My Name].”

(An hour passes.)

Man: “Hello.”

Man: “[My Name].”

(Day four, Thursday:)

Man: “Okay, [My Name], I’m trying to be cool with you and chill with you but you’re just being rude. I’m going to unfollow you.”

Man: “Probably block you, too, since you are so rude to me.”

(Day five, Friday:) 

Man: “You know what, [My Name]? I was just trying to hang and meet a cool girl but clearly, that is not you, so bye.”

(I showed my husband what I’d missed out on and he laughed. Now, every time I thank him for something, he replies with, “I’m just trying to be cool with you.” And no, my cool Internet friend still hasn’t unfollowed or blocked me.)