I’ll Keep This Brief; I Will Not Buy Your Case

(I am the owner of a bags, purses, etc. shop in the city centre. It’s on a street that has many similar shops; some of them have run out of business, though. I generally don’t get many weird demands, but then this guy comes over that wants to return an item that was not bought from my shop.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to return this briefcase.”

Me: *extra polite* “Yeah, um, unfortunately, I cannot accept it because you did not buy that from my shop.”

Customer: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “I cannot take items that are not bought from the shop; it doesn’t work that way. But if you have a receipt, I can check where the item was bought and point you to the correct shop.”

Customer: “Here’s the receipt.”

Me: “Wow. This was bought over a year from the shop next door. Unfortunately, it has closed.”

Customer: “What am I supposed to do with the briefcase?”

Me: “No idea. Give it to someone as a gift? I don’t know.”

Customer: “How much would you pay for it?”

Me: “Zero. I cannot buy; I sell.”

Customer: “But you buy from wholesalers.”

Me: “I will not buy your briefcase; please, stop asking that.”

Customer: “Okay, I will leave it on the floor and see what you’ll do about it.”

Me: “If you do that, I will kick it out of my shop and a passerby will take it, I guess.”

Customer: “You stupid people don’t know how to run a business.”