I Will Now Know You As An A**hole

(I’m working at a bank. A customer that I’ve never seen before is in the drive-thru. She’s in the passenger seat with a younger woman driving.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need $800 out of my account.”

Me: “Sure thing! Can I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “DANG NEW PEOPLE!”

Me: “I’m not new, actually—”

Customer: “I come in here all the time! Do you know who I am?!”

(I’ve heard variations of this several times today, and I’m tired of it. However, I do my best to keep my voice calm and even.)

Me: “Do you know who I am? What’s my name?”

(The customer’s jaw drops and she gapes at me.)

Me: “See? You don’t know me and I don’t know you. ID, please.”

Customer: “Well, I NEVER!”

(She throws her ID across the driver’s seat into the drawer, still muttering to herself. The driver is trying to hide a smile.)

Me: “Now, how would you like that back?”

Driver: “However you want to give it back. We’re not picky. RIGHT?” *throws her passenger a look*

Customer: *still muttering*

Driver: “Just give her whatever you want. I don’t care. Thank you!”

(I didn’t get in trouble.)

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