He’s A Few Stamps Short Of A Letter

(I work in the copy area of a well-known retail chain. This takes place at the mailing drop-off section of the store, which I am also responsible for.)

Me: “Hello, sir! What can I help you with?”

Customer: *stares*

Me: “Um… sir? Can I help you?”

Customer: *stares*

(It is at this point I get a strong waft of cannabis smoke from the direction of the customer.)

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: “So… I had this package come to my house.” *pause*

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: *stares*

(After a lot of this, I manage to get enough responses from him to glean that he’s looking to pick up a package that was meant to be delivered to his house.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we don’t have that service here. If your package is being held by [Packaging Service], then it would be at one of their stores, not at a drop-off. You can call them if you want to see if they have it.”

Customer: *stares*

Me: “Um… here.”

(We keep the locations of the two nearest stores on printed scraps of paper, as customers often come in for packaging services we don’t offer.)

Me: *offers him one of the slips* “Here are the two nearest stores and their phone numbers.”

Customer: *stares at the slip* “Where are those?”

Me: “Um… we keep them under the counter but you can just have this one.”

Customer: *stares, and then proceeds to reach under the counter to the stack of scraps*

Me: “Sir!” *shakes slip* “You can just have this one!”

Customer: “No…” *incomprehensible mumbling*

(After much fumbling, he pulls a slip out from the middle of the stack, spilling the ones on top of it onto the floor.)

Customer: “This one…” *stares at it*

Me: “Um… okay… Well, they should be able to help you.”

Customer: “You sure?”

Me: “Well, it’s your best bet.”

Customer: *stares*

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

(I walked away. He stared at the spot where I had been standing for a solid three minutes before unsteadily wandering off.)