Good Decisions Save Lives, And Money!

(I’m at my friend’s bachelorette party, and we’ve headed out for drinks after a day at the spa. We are having a blast, dancing, and drinking. We have all our drinks on one tab. We go to pay up.)

Bartender: “All right, here’s your total. We comped the strawberry lemonades for the two designated drivers, just so you know.”

Club-Goer: *standing nearby* “Wait. They got comped drinks? Why?”

(He is horribly intoxicated, slurring his words, struggling to stay on his feet.)

Bartender: “We always comp the non-alcoholic drinks for the designated drivers to thank them for making good decisions.”

Club-Goer: “I want comped drinks! I make good decisions!”

Bartender: “I’m sure you do, but you’re not a designated driver.”

Club-Goer: “I’m driving myself!”

(As he says this, he hurtles across the floor, pulling his keys out to demonstrate and dropping them on the floor. As he struggles to regain his balance, one of the bouncers picks them up for him and sticks them in his own pocket.)

Bouncer: “Yeah, no. You’re not making that decision. We’re cutting you off and you’re taking a cab home tonight.”

(We added to their tip as a thank-you for keeping the streets safer.)