God Of The Checkout Crew

I have been a checkout worker at my grocery store for three years (they give me convenient hours while I am at college, so I am happy here for now) and I am a reliable worker. A new hire has started, and I am training her. She is a middle-aged woman, and she’s very pleasant and eager to learn. She is also extremely religious; she says a little prayer at the beginning and end of each shift, she touches her cross necklace between each customer, and she has a little copy of the Bible in the drawer at her checkout desk. (We’re allowed the occasional personal item.)

All of this is fine, but she has a habit of trying to preach to me and tell me all about Jesus every time we have a breather between customers, or even when she’s actively checking customers out.

Coworker: “Did you speak to Jesus today, yet? I’ve spoken to Him four times today, and I am feeling so energized!”

Me: “I am glad that works for you, but [Coworker], I have told you before that I am an atheist, and I would prefer not to have you preach to me about your religion from now on.”

Coworker: “But I have a mandate! I would be disobeying the Lord if I didn’t do all in my power to try to save you!”

Me: “You have a mandate to check out customers and keep your cash drawer in balance. That’s it.”

She finishes that shift in solemn silence, but it is not to last. On my next shift, I find a religious pamphlet on my cash desk. I clearly throw it into the trash in front of her, but she just leaves another one about another religious subject the next day.

Me: “[Coworker], what did I say about preaching to me?”

Coworker: “I’m not saying a word! I’m just leaving some literature around for those who might want to read it.”

On my break, I bring it up with my manager.

Manager: “We’ll tell her to stop, but there’s not really much we can do if she wants to talk about it.”

Me: “Even if it’s a distraction from work?”

Manager: “Technically, yeah, but [General Manager] is also a big church-goer, and he encourages any employee to shout, ‘DISCRIMINATION!’ if any employee feels their rights to religious freedom are being stepped on.”

Me: “Iiiiiinteresting.”

The next day, I find yet another religious pamphlet on my cash desk, but this time, I am prepared.

Me: “[Coworker], since you’re so adamant, I will do you a deal. I will read your pamphlet about your religion if you read one about mine.”

Coworker: “I thought you said you were an atheist?”

Me: “I was, but after seeing the impact religion has made in your life, I have decided to seek one out for my own.”

Coworker: *Excited* “Oh, that’s wonderful! Here, take this one!”

Me: “Sure, if you take mine.”

I hand her a pamphlet I printed out online about the Satanic Temple.

Coworker: “Oh… Oh, I can’t take that.”

Me: “I thought you said you would read one of mine if I read one of yours?”

Coworker: “Yes, but we’re talking about finding Jesus! Like in the Bible!”

Me: “Last I checked, Satan was also in the Bible.”

Coworker: “I can’t… Sorry.”

Me: “Then I guess I can’t take your pamphlet, sorry.”

The rest of the shift is blissfully silent. The next day, I still find a pamphlet on my desk, so in turn, I leave one of “mine” at hers. It takes all of another day before I am called into the general manager’s office.

General Manager: “I’ve received a complaint regarding you and some harassment.”

Me: “If you mean [Coworker], who has been harassing me constantly about joining her church, then yes, I do feel harassed.”

General Manager: “What? Wait… no… it’s… There has been a complaint made against you about harassing a coworker. You left some intentionally offensive material on their work desk.”

Me: “I have been harassed for days by [Coworker] about ‘Jesus this’ and ‘The Lord that’, despite my attempted repeats to make her stop. If she is complaining about me, I would also like to complain about her.”

General Manager: “We can’t infringe on the religious freedoms of—”

Me: “I am simply leaving literature related to my religion in the same manner as has been done to me by members of another religion. If you stop me, then you will be infringing on my religious freedoms.”

General Manager: “That’s not how it works. You—”

Me: “I know how it works. Religious freedom is fine as long as it’s Christianity. Anything else is not allowed. Is that what you’re saying?”

He is silent for a moment because he knows I have him.

General Manager: “I will… explain… to those involved that sharing of religious material from now on is only allowed on break, and for those who wish to hear it.”

Me: “Wonderful! That’s all I was asking for!”

And with that, I happily skipped out of the office. The next day, my coworker was there with the sourest expression on her face, not speaking to me directly but praying more frequently and loudly, to the point where she was slowing down her work and some customers started complaining.

Within a week, she quit. I asked my manager what happened, and he said she couldn’t handle working in an environment that didn’t respect her religious freedoms.

I now keep a copy of Satanic Temple literature in my bag at all times, just in case.