Friends By Blood

(I am visiting a friend and her family and we are having a nice dinner party. Since a couple of guests are late, the front door is unlocked. We look towards the door when we hear someone sprinting up the steps and a young man rushes in, covered in blood.)

Bloody Guy: *somewhat panicked* “[Friend]! I need… I need plastic wrap! A lot of it!”

(The room is quiet for a few moments.)

Friend: *snaps out of it* “Is someone hurt? I think I have a first aid kit.”

Bloody Guy: “No, no one needs a first aid kit. Just plastic wrap, and maybe if you have a big cooler?”

(My friend goes to check for the requested items. Bloody Guy stands there, still kind of breathing heavily.)

Other Guest: “What the f*** is going on?”

Bloody Guy: *blinks, and then suddenly has a moment of obvious realization* “Oh. S***. This looks real bad, huh?”

Other Guest: “Uh, yeah.”

(The bloody guy starts laughing and shouts outside for his girlfriend to come in. She’s also covered in blood, but smiling awkwardly.)

Bloody Girl: “Uh, hi?”

Bloody Guy: *grins* “Hey, babe, tell ’em what happened tonight.”

Bloody Girl: *excitable* “I got in a car accident! With a deer. It’s in my trunk. Wanna see?”

([Friend] comes back with plastic wrap and everyone goes outside; yep, that’s a dead, gutted deer in the trunk, and a screwed-up car. They needed plastic wrap to prevent more blood from getting on the carpeting of the trunk.)

Bloody Guy: *laughing* “I think they thought I killed somebody!”

(It turned out that [Bloody Guy] was a local legend who also happens to be [Friend]’s brother. He was notorious for making local legislation consider making a law to prohibit people from riding livestock on the road in the downtown/shopping district.)