(My friend and I are having beer on a terrace. My friend is long-time single. I’m in a relationship. Oddly, all day I’ve had little spiders and flies on my face and in my hair.)

Friend: *picks spider from face* “Here, there’s another one on you.”

Me: “What’s with me today?”

Friend: “Dunno.”

(Moments pass, and suddenly my friend stares at me.)

Me: “What, do I have a bug on my face again?”

Friend: “Uh, no, not this time.”

Me: “Oh, okay. I don’t know why I attract all these bugs today.”

Friend: “Yeah, you’re attractive.”

Me: “Sooo… what are you going to order for dinner…?”

(At choir practice, my friend and I are talking about our parts in the song we’re about to sing. She is an alto and I am a soprano.)

Friend: “Ugh, alto.”

Me: “Come to the high side. We have awesome melodies.”

(My friend and I are watching ‘Le Grand Chef,’ about a poor man who is in a competition to be the heir to the Royal Chef. At one point, he has to demonstrate how to cut up a cow. Because he is poor, he can not buy a cow and sacrifices his pet cow instead. In this scene, the pet cow is on the way to the slaughterhouse. This is the saddest part of the movie.)

My Friend: “Later on, you’ll see, as the cow goes in, it will turn around and look very sad, maybe shed tears.”

Me: “Nah, I don’t think so. Look at the corridor it’s walking in, it’s too narrow to turn.”

(As soon as I said that, the cow turned around with the saddest expression on its face.)

My Friend & Me: *burst out laughing*

(The other moviegoers around us shot us dirty looks for the rest of the movie!)

(I’m American. I have a fairly significant [but not readily visible] physical disability and so I always take an ADA seat on public transportation when the other seats are full. I have just taken one of the ‘disabled, elderly, and mothers’ seats on the train. The other three such seats are open. I am 30 but seem to look much younger. A middle-aged lady in a regular seat next to me starts talking:)

Lady: “You know, people need that seat.”

Me: *politely* “Um, there are three others.” *looking around and realizing the only people standing in our car are a group of young men* “There doesn’t seem to be anyone in need of any of them.”

Lady: *haughtily* “I’m sure you don’t realize this since you’re…” *sneers* “American, but those seats are for elderly passengers only!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, they’re for elderly passengers, pregnant mothers or mothers with young children and/or prams, and the disabled. As I’ve had a grade-nine spinal fusion and stabilization and suffer from brittle skeleton, the latter applies to me. I am not supposed to stand in a moving vehicle because a fall poses much more danger to me than the average person.”

Lady: *speechless*

Me: “For the record, my deceased grandfather was an English titleholder and my uncle currently sits in Parliament.” *train arrives at the concourse* “Have a lovely day!”

(I’m walking to school one morning on my own. I’m about 30 seconds away from the school. In front of me are two girls, a year older than me, walking together. I’m about to walk past them when one of them moves over and blocks where I’m walking. I don’t bother saying anything and keep walking.)

Friend #1: *not the one blocking me* “Hey! You’re blocking that girl’s path!”

Friend #2: *looks at me, and moves out the way* “Well, maybe I wanted to keep her prisoner!”

(Needless to say, I starting walking a bit quicker and didn’t make eye contact!)