(My college athletics team and I are camping out to build team chemistry. Some guys are chopping firewood.)

Me: “Hey, do you guys need help?”

Teammate: “No, I think we’re good.”

Coach: “You know that’s an Eagle Scout that you just said no to right?”

(Suddenly I was left to cut all of the firewood. Thanks, Coach.)

(I approach the register at a popular retailer; it’s almost Christmas so I understand there is a lot of pressure and stress that comes with the season. I smile at the cashier as I place my items on the belt.)

Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

Cashier: “…”

(I wait about 30 seconds and decide she isn’t going to answer me. She doesn’t acknowledge that I had spoken to her at all.)

Me: “No answer; guess you’re good!”

Cashier: *speaking very clearly* “Oh, I’m sorry. I just thought I might be losing my voice, so I was trying to speak as little as possible. I had to talk a lot earlier, and I was afraid too much talking would make me lose my voice, and I can’t lose my voice at work as I have to talk to customers and all. I don’t want to lose my voice is all!”

Me: “I get it, but just saying, ‘I’m fine, thanks,’ would have been a lot less words!”

(After a competitive and grueling audition process, I’m at my first rehearsal of the year for one of the choirs. We’re assigned folder partners, who will be sharing our music for the rest of the year.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name].”

Partner: “I’m [Name & Surname] from Gresham, Oregon, USA.”

Me: “I used to live in Oregon before we moved to Boston. Are you by any chance related to [Name & Same Surname]?”

Partner: “She’s my mom!”

Me: “My mother couldn’t draw princesses, so your mom drew ones for us. We still have them at home!”

Partner: “Which means your mom is [My Mother.]”

(And that’s how friends’ daughters became friends over a decade after they knew each other.)

(I’m known in my group of friends as the laid back, chill one. I rarely lose it on them but I have road rage. Not dangerously bad, just where I yell inside my car. Couple of friends, all of whom are boys (I’m the only female in the car), who have never seen me drive, were in the car the other day when this happens.)

Me: *driving when someone cuts me off* “SON OF A B****!”

Friend #1: “Jeez, [My Name]!”

Me: “What? She cut me off! I could have hit her.”

Friend #2: *sitting behind me laughing* [My Name], you need to chill.

Me: “Sor– BLINKERS, D*** IT!”

Friend #2: *dying of laughter* “I’ve never seen you like this; it’s kinda funny”

Me: “Yeah, my girlfriend thinks it’s funny, too. Apparently it’s amusing to see me annoyed as h***.” *waiting at a light, looking at him in my rearview*

Friend #3: “It kinda is; you’re never this easily riled up in school.” *grinning*

Me: “Because people in school don’t drive like idiots in the halls.”

(Right at that moment the light changes and I start going straight. A car turns, cutting me off and forcing me to slam on brakes.)

Me: “RIGHT OF WAY, YOU B****!” *hits the horn*

Friend #1: “…Maybe I should drive?”

Friends #2 & #3: *laughing in the back seats*

(I’m emptying my cart of my groceries before I place the cart back in the stiles when I notice an elderly woman beside me nearly finished with her cart.)

Me: “Ma’am, did you want me to take your cart when I return mine?”

Woman: “Oh, that would be nice! Thank you. Just let me get the last of my things out first.”

(As there are only two twelve-packs of Coke, I pull both out to offer her one at a time. She suddenly gets angry and yanks them out of my hands.)

Woman: “I said I have it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I wasn’t trying to be rude. I was trying to help you empty the cart so you could go along your day.”

Woman: “You were trying to rush me along. I’m not slow.”

Me: “I never said you were! Again, I’m sorry. I hope you have a nice day.”

(She grumbles under her breath as she climbs in the car. She waits until I have placed both carts in the stile, then yells out at me “Have a nice day, b****” and drives off.)

Other Customer: “Wow, what did you do?”

Me: “Uh, I offered to put her cart up. I guess she thought I was rushing her.”

Other Customer: *laughs* “If you help me put my cart up, I promise I won’t call you a b****.”