(I’m in the ticket line at a movie theater. Nearby are posters of currently showing movies, one of which is “2012.” A boy and a girl, who look about 8 and 10 respectively, are in an adjacent line, looking at the poster, and discussing how the world will actually end.)

Girl: “I heard that the whole planet is gonna turn upside down and everyone on the bottom is gonna fall off into space!”

Boy: “Does that mean everyone in South America is already falling off?”

(I have just gotten home from school and I had a pretty rough day, so I decide to use the $20 that my mother had given me a while ago to buy some snacks. While I’m walking down the street to the store, I see three men who look like high-schoolers. I only have one $20 bill.)

Guy #1: “Hey, excuse me but do you have a dollar I could have?”

Me: *looking back but still walking* “No, I’m sorry but I don’t.”

Guy #2: “Do you have 25¢?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

(At this point they give up and begin to walk along however they’re still staring at me as I walk up to the store. I’m about to go inside when one of them shouts at me.)

Guy #1: “I thought you didn’t have a dollar!”

Me: *slightly annoyed* “I don’t! I have twenty!”

(They finally leave the area and I purchase my snacks, I’m almost to my apartment complex when see them again, glancing at me. The same guy asks me again.)

Guy #1: “Now do you have a dollar?”

(At this point I am fed up this these three.)

Me: *annoyed* “Yes, I do, but after that do you really think I’m going to give you one?!”

(As I headed inside I could see them hanging their heads in shame, walking away embarrassedly. Needless to say, I think they learned something that day! )

(I am the idiot in this story, being unfamiliar with driving in the city I have somehow driven into the ‘BUSES ONLY’ section of the station. I spot a driver on his break and pull up next to him.)

Me: “I am so lost; can you please tell me how to get out of here?”

Driver: *points* “Follow the street along that wall as it curves up and you’ll get back to the street.”

Me: *very embarrassed* “Please tell me I’m not the only person who’s done this.”

Driver: *laughs* “Lady, you aren’t even the first person TODAY!”

(My friend and I go to an amusement park in southern California. He gets a bit nervous when it comes to rollercoasters, especially the ones that launch you out of the station at very high speeds. I convince him to try one of them.)

Ride Operator: “All right, everyone! Fasten the seat belts around your waist and pull down the lap bar as far as it will go.”

(My friend shakily clips in the seat belt and pulls the lap bar down. I can tell he is very nervous. The ride operator goes through all the safety precautions and whatnot.)

Friend: “E- excuse me?” *my friend raises his hand so he can be noticed* “Could we have a countdown?”

Ride Operator: “Of course! We’ll launch in 5… 4…. 3…” *launches ride*

(I can’t help but laugh hysterically as my friend curses and screams the entire ride.)

(Since we are in a college town, are open late, and serve fast food, we tend to get a lot of intoxicated students. They’re usually not much of a problem and I like to listen to their drunken conversations as I clean tables around them.)

Drunk Guy #1: “The last time I went to church was for my nephew’s coronation.”

(I stop in my tracks.)

Drunk Guy #2: “…His what?”

Drunk Guy #1: “His… conformation?”