Finally Had The Balls To Say It

| Friendly | February 19, 2014

Put Into An Awkward Position

| MT, USA | Friendly | February 19, 2014

(Two girl friends and I are in the car having a ladies night out. Friend #1 and I have just recently found out that Friend #2’s longtime boyfriend is Mormon. This is the first time that Friend #2 has been out with me and Friend #1 without the guys, so she is sitting shyly and quietly in the back seat. Friend #1 and I are having very open and borderline graphic girly talk since I’ve been married six years and Friend #1 is a newlywed looking for advice about some things.)

Me: “[Friend #2], I hope we’re not making you uncomfortable with our sex talk.”

Friend #1: *to me* “Oh, don’t be silly.” *to Friend #2* “So, what’s your favorite position?”

Me: “Now who’s being silly? It’s MISSIONARY, of course!”

Friendly Neighborhood Wifi

| Friendly | February 18, 2014

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Washing Himself Of The Situation

| CA, USA | Friendly | February 18, 2014

(I’m a six foot tall black man and am dressed casually, but nothing dirty or torn. I pull up to a gas station to fill up my car and notice that my windshield is somewhat messy. I get a couple of paper towels and the squeegee and begin to clean my windshield. There’s another car parked next to me with a young guy pumping his gas. I’m minding my own business. A girl comes out of the gas station, then starts to wander in my direction.)

Girl: “Hey, you in the hat!”

Me: *glances over at her*

Girl: *in an incredibly condescending tone* “You wanna washa my window for two dolla?”

Me: “Hmm. I have a better proposition. How about I give you $20 to s*** my d***?”

(I notice that the other customer is now paying attention to this girl and me.)

Girl: “I’m not a prostitute! I’m insulted! I’m a—”

Me: “—it doesn’t matter what you are. Just like you’re outraged to be called a prostitute, I’m insulted to be called a $2 window washer. So if you don’t want to be insulted, maybe you shouldn’t insult others, hmm?”

Girl: “It was just a joke!”

Me: “The joke, my dear lady, is you.”

Girl: *storms off*

(The other customer doesn’t say a word. He just walks over to me, holds up his hand for a high-five. I give him one, and then he gets in his car and drives off.)

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True Friends Are Nothing To Fear

| Friendly | February 18, 2014

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