My Friendship In Ruins

| TX, USA | Friendly | January 22, 2014

(We are in the second period of the school day. Everyone is still tired from staying up late on the last night of Christmas break. We’re normally a crazy class, but it hasn’t shown today until the moment my boyfriend’s best friend walks in.)

Boyfriend: *jokingly* “I was having a good day, so why did you have to walk in and ruin it?”

Friend: “Oh, you know, just a day ruiner. A ruiner of days. The ender of good times. The desolation of fun. Just like today. I AM today!”

(He then proceeds to do the best evil laugh I have ever heard.)

Me: *to my boyfriend* “I think Christmas vacation got to him a bit.”

Boyfriend: “A bit? More like drove him completely insane.”

Friend: “No, I’m just naturally insane. The freedom of our break just made me even crazier. You guys should have known this by now. It happens every year.”

Fanatic Fantastic

| Madison, WI, USA | Friendly | January 22, 2014

(I live with three friends, and all of us are kind of geeks. We’re chatting about a movie we’ve all seen at some point in time, when the following happens.)

Me: “Yeah, well, I was reading this fan-fiction, and the two characters were actually talking about this, and what’s weird is—”

Roommate #1: “What’s weird is that you just said ‘I was reading this fan-fiction’ and no one burst out laughing or even commented on it.”

Me: “Well, yes…”

Roommate #2: “Geeks rule!”

Me: “Yes. Yes, they do.”

We Have To Get Together Never

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Friendly | January 22, 2014

(I’ve known my friend since we were 12 years old, but over the years, we’ve grown apart. Our main interaction is Christmas cards. One day, I run into her by chance at the grocery store.)

Me: “It’s so nice to see you!”

Friend: “You too! We have to get together sometime!”

Me: “Well, I’m not busy this weekend… how about coffee or lunch on Saturday?”

Friend: *looks startled* “Uh, I’m busy this weekend.”

Me: “How about the following weekend?”

Friend: “Sorry, I’m busy then, too.”

Me: “The weekend after that?”

Friend: “That’s no good either. Tell you what; I’ll call you.”

(She never called me, and I took the hint!)

Obviously Hasn’t Seen Psycho

| WA, USA | Friendly | January 21, 2014

(Since I don’t drive, my friend usually gives me a ride home after events. We’re at a friend’s birthday party playing ‘Apples To Apples.’ The round’s ‘judge’ draws an adjective card, everyone else tosses in a noun card, and the judge decides which noun best suits the adjective. It’s my turn to judge, and I get the card ‘Scary/Creepy.’ Everyone tosses in their cards, and I start going through the noun pile.)

Me: “‘Cheap hotels?’ Hotels aren’t scary!”

(Everyone looks at me like I’m nuts, and they stumble over themselves to explain why cheap hotels absolutely qualify as ‘scary.’ I must still look incredulous, because finally my friend blurts out.)

Friend: “That’s it! When tonight is over, I’m taking you to a cheap hotel!”

Listening To The Voice Of Unreason

| Dallas, TX, USA | Friendly | January 21, 2014

(I’m living with my two best friends; we’ve just moved into a new apartment. One day, I swear I hear voices coming from the dishwasher. Both of my friends think I’m bonkers, and we all drop the subject. A few months later, I’m sitting in the living room doing homework, while my bestie is telling me about her day and unloading groceries.)

Bestie: “There’s enough here to…” *tapers off into silence*

(I look up to see my bestie making a really strange face while edging away from the dishwasher.)

Me: “YOU HEAR THEM TOO!”

Bestie: *wide eyed* “I seriously just thought the voices were one of those strange things I accepted about you for the sake of our friendship. Like your mismatched socks and love of trashy romance novels.”

Me: “Yeah, but voices?”

Bestie: “Definitely hearing voices.”

Me: “Yay friendship!”

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