(I and a few coworkers are starting the day off slow with a little conversation before heading out. Two coworkers have a notoriously bad attitude towards one another and put very little effort into dealing with the issue. On this particular day they are scheduled to travel together to an alternate location.)

Coworker #1: *holds out vehicle keys to [Coworker #2]*

Coworker #2: *wordlessly stares at [Coworker #1]*

(Awkward pause.)

Coworker #1: *pulls keys back*

Coworker #3: *sarcasm* “Nice communication, guys.”

(My cell phone rings with an unknown number from Massachusetts.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hi, is this [Name]?”

Me: *politely* “No, this isn’t her.”

Caller: *suddenly speaking with a snarky attitude* “Well, sorry, but I was given this number with her name, and I was just trying to reach her! So sorry for getting the wrong number, but I’m just trying to find [Name]. Sorry, but I didn’t know it was a wrong number!”

Me: *baffled at her tone* “Er, okay.”

(She hung up after that. Never been told off for letting someone know it was a wrong number.)

(My friend doesn’t watch any science fiction. I, on the other hand, really like a wide variety, including but not limited to Star Wars, Star Trek, Stargate, Battlestar Galactica (Original), Farscape, Dr. Who, and Firefly.)

Me: “What’cha doin?”

Friend: “My science homework. I’m comparing my ‘Alien Cards’ to the Periodic Table.”

Me: “Alien Cards?”

Friend: “Yeah, I had to make them. Think you could help me with this?”

Me: “I would but… I don’t really know enough about your aliens to compare them to the periodic table.”

Friend: “Okay, well… how much do you know about the periodic table?”

Me: *pause* “Actually, on an overall scale I know way more about aliens than the periodic table.”

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(My roommate and I are making dinner. I’m notorious for making horrible jokes.)

Roommate: *drops a handful of peas*

Me: “D*** it, [Roommate]. You pea’d on the floor”

Roommate: “Oh, my god… that’s the worst joke yet.”

(I’m having lunch with a small group of friends, sitting next to a girl and across from her boyfriend. I keep feeling someone’s foot nudging me in the shins, despite folding my legs as far under my chair as I could.)

Me: *pushes chair back and leans down to look under the table*

Boyfriend: *suddenly realizing* “AUGH! WRONG FOOT! WRONG FOOT!”

Everyone Else: *falling over laughing*