This Conversation Is Sliding Downwards

| PA, USA | Friendly | March 2, 2014

(My friend and I are working part-time at an event hall and have just finished cleaning the floors. We are congratulating ourselves on a job well done.)

Me: “Man! I think this is the cleanest we’ve ever gotten it!”

Friend: “I know! It’s so shiny and polishy!”

Me: “Yeah! I wonder how far you could slide on your socks in here!”

Friend: *becomes suddenly pensive* “Or slide a baby…”

(I couldn’t stop laughing for five minutes. She says really bizarre things sometimes, but that’s why we’re friends!)

Top 5 Funniest Stories Of February 2014

| Not Always Friendly | Friendly | March 1, 2014

February 2014 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Friendly’s top-rated stories last month!

  1. True Friends Are Nothing To Fear (1,281 thumbs up)
  2. Humanity Is Going Down The Tubes (1,161 thumbs up)
  3. This Just Got Personal (1,227 thumbs up)
  4. Washing Himself Of The Situation (1,159 thumbs up)
  5. They Were Saved (1,098 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Some People Don’t Quite Aim For The Stars

| Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Friendly | March 1, 2014

(I and some friends of mine are driving home, talking about surprising facts.)

Me: “Did you know the reason we have eclipses is that the moon is 400 times smaller than the sun, but the sun is 400 times further away? So they look the same size in the sky.”

Friend: “Yeah, and stars are REALLY big, right?”

Me: “I know! It’s unbelievable!”

Friend: “They’re, like, as big as this van!”

(Cue uproarious laughter.)

Friend: “What?”

Me: “[Friend], stars are several hundred thousand times bigger than THE PLANET WE LIVE ON.”

Friend: “What?!”

Top 5 Funniest Stories Of February 2014

Not Always Friendly | Friendly | March 1, 2014

February 2014 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Friendly’s top-rated stories last month!

  1. True Friends Are Nothing To Fear (1,281 thumbs up)
  2. Humanity Is Going Down The Tubes (1,161 thumbs up)
  3. This Just Got Personal (1,227 thumbs up)
  4. Washing Himself Of The Situation (1,159 thumbs up)
  5. They Were Saved (1,098 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

All Fired Up

| Murfreesboro, TN, USA | Friendly | February 28, 2014

(I have just moved into my apartment within the last week, so I am still new to the neighborhood. Unfortunately, disaster strikes and the unit directly connected to mine catches fire one morning. I am woken up by the sirens. My fiancé and I have just enough time to grab our dogs before the firefighter kicks the door in. We run out of the apartment with them and over to a clearing, where we watched in fear as they try to put out the fire. My dogs, slightly freaking out, start using the bathroom in the grass. A woman among the spectators approaches us.)

Woman: “Ugh, gross! I hope you plan on picking that s*** up!”

Me: “Honestly, I think there’s something a little more important going on right now.”

Woman: “That ain’t no excuse not to pick up your dog crap! There’s kids that play out here!”

Me: “Look, I understand where you’re coming from, and if you bring me a bag I’ll pick it up, but otherwise no.”

Woman: “No, you go and get your own d**n bag! It ain’t my fault you’re lazy.”

Me: “I can’t, and I think it’s pretty obvious why.”

Woman: “Yeah right. Go back to your apartment and—”

Me: “MY BUILDING IS THE ONE THAT’S ON FIRE!”

Woman: “Well, doesn’t matter! When they put out that fire I expect you to come out and pick it up!”

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