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Forgiveness Isn’t Everything

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 8, 2020

My friend, [Friend #1], has an ex whom she still talks to. I’ve been fairly straightforward about saying that I will not be friendly to him, which has annoyed the friend and other people in our social circle, who push me to make nice. Things come to a head one day with another friend, [Friend #2].

Friend #2: “I don’t get why you can’t just let bygones be bygones. She’s forgiven him; you should, too.”

Me: “When they were together, he tried to get her pregnant without her consent and threatened to kill himself if she left him. Excuse me for thinking that makes him an abuser and that she’d be better off with him completely out of her life.”

Friend #2: “I don’t see what good it does to demonize him.”

Me: “I’m not ‘demonizing’. I’m stating a fact. People who do what he did are abusive.”

Friend #2: “It’s not healthy to hold a grudge like this, you know.”

Me: “Um, not to point fingers here, but you still refuse to go to parties if that one woman from our writing workshop is going to be there.”

Friend #2: “Well, she’s a b****.”

Me: “She gave you some slightly harsh feedback that one time. Years ago.”

Friend #2: “I was really sensitive back then! I cried about it for hours!”

Me: “So, a psychologically manipulative b*****d who nearly ruined our friend’s life can be forgiven, but someone who wasn’t completely diplomatic about saying she didn’t like your poetry is beyond redemption?”

Friend #2: “I felt really strongly about that poem.”

I have since begun to distance myself from this person, and life is less stressful.

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