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The Working Dead

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | October 23, 2012

(I am a cashier at a major supermarket. Two young men in their mid-twenties are nearby, arguing with each other about something.)

Guy #1: “Well, let’s just ask her.”

Guy #2: “No, we don’t need to ask anyone else!”

Guy #1: *to me* “Hi, can I just ask you a question?”

Guy #2: “No! Don’t ask her!”

Me: “Um… sure?”

Guy #1: “Okay, say there was a zombie apocalypse, where would you hide out? Here, or [Australia’s largest household hardware chain]?”

Me: “Um, probably here?”

Guy #1: “See? I told you!”

Guy #2: “But why? The [household hardware chain] has weapons and stuff, how are you going to fight the zombies without weapons?”

Me: “Well, our supermarket has food, you can’t survive without food. And it has weapons too! We have knives and garden tools.”

Guy #1: “Exactly!”

Guy #2: “But [hardware store] has food too! They have a canteen!”

Me: “But we have a better selection, and food can also be used as a weapon! Food fight!”

Guy #2: “I give up.”

Guy #1: “I like this girl. She’s smart! Come on, let’s ask somebody else.” *happily approaches next cashier*

Guy #2: *upset* “No! I give up! Please stop asking!”

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Co-Worker From Hell

| Working | October 23, 2012

A Fatheaded Answer

| Perth, WA, Australia | Working | October 23, 2012

(I’m getting married in two weeks, so I’m trying to eat healthy at a salad bar. I see a salad that is 97% fat free but has nothing about the sugar content.)

Me: “Hi, I was just wondering what is in the dressing on that salad?”

Employee: “Uh, it’s a Tahini dressing.”

Me: “Oh, okay, but what’s in it?”

Employee: “Um…”

Me: “I just want to know if it has much sugar in it.”

Employee: “Oh. Well, it’s 97% fat free, so there won’t be much sugar in it.”

Me: “Just because it’s 97% fat free doesn’t mean there is not much sugar in it. In fact, things that are 97% fat free usually have more sugar in them than usual.”

Employee: “No, it’s 97% fat free, so that means there won’t be much sugar in it!”

Me: “Marshmallows are 99% fat free. How much sugar do you think is in them?”

When The Chic Seek The Geek

| Missouri, USA | Working | October 23, 2012

(I am the “token” girl at the campus IT department. I also happen to really like video games and cartoons and weird trivia, so I’m also known as being something of a “geek.” Note: My coworker dresses in a sort of chic urban way and is a typical athletic “cool” guy.)

Coworker: “Hey [my name], I wanna be a geek, y’know?”

Me: “Uh… what?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I wanna be a geek like you! I already ordered some of those geeky thick rim glasses online. What else do I need to do?”

Me: “Wait… you mean like hipster glasses?”

Coworker: “Yeah, that whole geek thing is real popular right now, but I don’t really wanna wear those tight jeans. Is there some other option for that?”

Me: “Uh, I don’t know.”

Coworker: “Oh. Well, I’ll wear my glasses to work when they come in and you can tell me if I look geeky enough!”

The Mother Of All Comebacks

| Santa Clara, CA, USA | Working | October 23, 2012

(One of my sexist coworkers has been unsuccessfully trying to convince me that men are the superior gender. After I shoot down various arguments, this happens…)

Coworker: “Well, you know that male superiority is built directly into the language we speak.”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

Coworker: “Everyone knows our language is referred to as the King’s English.”

Me: “Are you talking about our mother tongue?”

Coworker: *sputters in frustration and walks away, mumbling*

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