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Not A Toy

| Related | October 23, 2012

Puns Will Be Assimilated

| ID, USA | Related | October 23, 2012

(My mom has brought her sewing machine out to repair some clothes. My brother is getting into learning how things work.)

Brother: “How does the sewing machine pedal work?”

Me: “It has a potentiometer in it. It adjusts resistance to change the flow of electricity.”

Brother: “Resistance?”

Me: “Yeah. It’s futile.”

Mom: “No, it’s foot-ile!”

Lucky To Have An Obama Mama

| USA | Related | October 23, 2012

(I go into the living room to ask my mother a question, and see she’s watching the presidential debate between Obama and Romney.)

Me: “Hey, interesting debate?”

Mom: *staring intently at the TV* “Mhm.”

Me: “So…Can I go to the mall with my friends this weekend?”

Mom: “Sure, sweetie.”

Me: “Can I take the car?”

Mom: “Whatever you want.”

Me: “[Boyfriend] will be there.”

Mom: “That’s nice.”

Me: “Can I have $100?”

Mom: “Sure.”

Me: “I’m pregnant.”

Mom: *finally looks up from the TV* “That’s okay! Thanks to this dumb-a** you’re still on my insurance until you’re 26!”

The Lost Hour Of Your Discontent

| Auckland, New Zealand | Related | October 23, 2012

(My mother and I are having a casual discussion in the living room. My best friend is also there, watching TV. Suddenly, mum changes the subject.)

Mum: “It’s daylight saving this weekend.”

Me: “Oh, right.”

Mum: “What do they do with the extra hour?”

(My friend and I exchange a glance.)

Me: “What do you mean?”

Mum: “When we turn the clocks back, we lose an hour. What do they do with it?”

Me: “Um, what? And who is they?”

Mum: “The government I suppose.”

(My friend is barely containing his laughter.)

Me: “Mum, there is no extra hour. We’re changing the time we say it is; we’re not changing time itself.”

Mum: “Don’t get smart with me! I know what I’m talking about. I want to know what they do with the hour they take from us!”

An End To Notices

| Austin, TX, USA | Romantic | October 23, 2012

(My boyfriend and I work opposite shifts at our jobs. He works days, I work nights. So he usually leaves for work before I wake up, and I leave for work before he gets home, and when I get home, he’s usually asleep. One day before going to work, I leave him a note:)

Me: “I love you! <3” (When I return home later that evening I found a reply from him:)

Boyfriend: “I love you more than a space alien loves anal probing! <3”

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