Archive for 2012

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Not Getting The Message

| ON, Canada | Right | October 23, 2012

(We are a small store that repairs watches. Upon the completion of a repair job, we call the customer to alert them that there product is ready.)

Customer: “I am here to pick up my watch.”

Me: “Okay, sure! Did you receive a call that it was ready?”

(Asking this allows me a better idea of where to look for the bag, in the completed drawer, in progress drawer, or intake drawer.)

Customer: “No! I had to call you and ask if it was ready. That is outrageous!”

(I am confused, because the job has three notes of us calling her, but no one answered.)

Me: “That’s strange. It says here that we did call you, but there was no answer. Perhaps your answering machine was broken? Or maybe we misread your number?”

Customer: “No, that is my number, and I don’t have an answering machine! You should have left me a message, at least! You have terrible customer service!”

Me: “You expected us to leave a message for you even though there was no person nor machine there to hear or record it?”

Customer: “Yes!”

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Heat Rises As IQ Falls

| Long Island, NY, USA | Right | October 23, 2012

(We have a convection oven for heating up pastries and sandwiches. Some people mistake it for a microwave oven. One day, a customer who has already purchased her drink comes up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but this drink is not hot enough. Can you heat this up in your microwave?” *points to our oven*

Me: “Sorry, but I can’t do that since that’s a convection oven. However, I can remake the drink to be hotter for you.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want you to remake it. I just want you to heat it up a little more. Are you sure you can’t do it?”

Me: “Ma’am, that thing we have over there is a convection oven. Your cup will catch on fire if I put it in there.”

Customer: *blankly stares at me for several seconds* “…So you can’t do it?”

Me: “Not unless you want your drink engulfed in flames.”

Customer: “Oh…” *leaves the store, still confused*

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Quaffer Some Free Advice

| NY, USA | Right | October 23, 2012

Customer #1: “Four shots of Jameson, please. But can we have them for free?”

Me: “Ha ha, no.”

Customer #1: “Can we at least have a discount?”

Customer #2: “We’re all bartenders too!”

Customer #1: “Except for me. I’m a personal trainer.”

Me: “Do people ever ask you for free stuff?”

Customer #1: *annoyed* “Yeah, they want, like, a free hour with me.”

Me: “So, what do you do?”

Customer #1: “I SHUT IT DOWN! Just like you did. Good job. High five!”

(They paid for all the shots, and tipped two dollars for each.)

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Fuming Over The Gas

| Finland | Right | October 23, 2012

(I am working alone in a very crowded kiosk. A customer points at a soda refrigerator.)

Customer: “Can you tell me which ones do and don’t have gas in them?”

Me: “Gas?”

Customer: “Yes, gas! I want one without gas!

Me: “Oh, okay I think you mean carbona—”

Customer: “I mean gas! I don’t like it.”

Me: “Well I’m sorry to tell you this, but everything else except for regular spring water has ‘gas’ in them.”

(The customer keeps staring at the refrigerator quietly, then picks up one soda.)

Customer: “Does this one have gas in it?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “How about this one?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Hmmm. How about this one?”

Me: “Yes. As I said, only spring water doesn’t contain any gas. All the others do.”

Customer: “Well, I think I’ll take this one anyway and try out for myself.”

Me: “Okay, great, that’ll do two euros.”

(After about 10 minutes, the customer comes back.)

Customer: “MISS! IT DOES HAVE GAS IN IT!”

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The Working Dead

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | October 23, 2012

(I am a cashier at a major supermarket. Two young men in their mid-twenties are nearby, arguing with each other about something.)

Guy #1: “Well, let’s just ask her.”

Guy #2: “No, we don’t need to ask anyone else!”

Guy #1: *to me* “Hi, can I just ask you a question?”

Guy #2: “No! Don’t ask her!”

Me: “Um… sure?”

Guy #1: “Okay, say there was a zombie apocalypse, where would you hide out? Here, or [Australia’s largest household hardware chain]?”

Me: “Um, probably here?”

Guy #1: “See? I told you!”

Guy #2: “But why? The [household hardware chain] has weapons and stuff, how are you going to fight the zombies without weapons?”

Me: “Well, our supermarket has food, you can’t survive without food. And it has weapons too! We have knives and garden tools.”

Guy #1: “Exactly!”

Guy #2: “But [hardware store] has food too! They have a canteen!”

Me: “But we have a better selection, and food can also be used as a weapon! Food fight!”

Guy #2: “I give up.”

Guy #1: “I like this girl. She’s smart! Come on, let’s ask somebody else.” *happily approaches next cashier*

Guy #2: *upset* “No! I give up! Please stop asking!”

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