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Any Mention Of Attention May Lead To Dissension

| Working | July 9, 2012

(Four years ago, I ordered a laptop. It wasn’t a very good machine, and after owning it for only two years I sent it away to be recycled. Last month, I got a check from the manufacturer for no apparent reason, so I’m calling to verify this isn’t some kind of scam.)

Me: “Hello, I just received a check from you but I’m not sure why. The last business I did with you all was four years ago, but this check just arrived for no reason.”

Rep: “I can look that up for you. I’ll just need the service tag off of the laptop.”

Me: “I don’t own or possess that laptop anymore. Can you look it up by my personal information?”

Rep: “The service tag will be located on the bottom of the machine, next to the Windows decal, but not on the battery.”

Me: “No, sorry, I wasn’t clear. I don’t have the laptop here with me anymore.”

Rep: “Well, when will you be in front of the laptop again?”

Me: “I won’t be. It’s gone. I threw it away. It’s in the junk heap.”

Rep: “If you just close the lid and turn the laptop over, you will see a sticker with the service tag on it.”

Me: “Ma’am, be with me in this moment. The laptop is no longer in my physical possession. It’s gone. Trash. Garbage. I put it in a big black bag, put it in a plastic bin on the curb and a big truck came, crushed it, and took it away. I do not own this laptop anymore. It is not here and it never will be here again.”

Rep: “Hmm…”

Me: “Could you maybe look up my account if I gave you my address, e-mail address, phone number, something?”

Rep: “Okay, let me look up your phone number. What’s your number?”

Me: “It’s 555-1234.”

Rep: “Let me put you on hold.”

(I sit on hold for ten minutes. Finally, she comes back.)

Rep: “I didn’t find any account under 555-4483.”

Me: “Okay, that’s not even close to the number I gave you. I’m going to say the number again. Repeat it back to me so I know you got it. 555…”

Rep: *stays silent*

Me: “Say it back.”

Rep: *sighs* “555…”

Me: “1234…”

Rep: *stays silent*

Me: “Say it back.”

Rep: *hangs up*

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