All Out Of (Pot)Luck

I would like to say I’m frugal, but it’s a lie since I’m downright cheap. I have very good reasons for being so cheap, but suffice to say I’m well known around the office for how extremely cheap I can be. We often joke about it, and I take no offense in general to mocking my own cheapness.

One day, the office is having a potluck. I considered bringing something in, but I can’t cook, and anything I can think of to buy and bring to the potluck which would be sufficient quality to meet my coworkers’ standards seems like it would be more expensive than my usual lunchtime meals, so I decide to not participate in the interest of saving money. And, to be honest, it’s laziness; I don’t want to go to a store just to buy something for the potluck.

On the day of the potluck, my coworker notices me still sitting at my desk as everyone is filtering out to the conference room where we will have the potluck.

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], are you coming?”

Me: “No, sorry. I’m going to sit this one out, but have fun.”

Coworker: “What? Why would you do that?”

Me: “I didn’t bring anything, so it wouldn’t be fair of me to take the food everyone else brought.”

Coworker: “Oh, I’m sure no one would mind this once.”

Me: “Yeah, but we end up doing something like this every other month. One time might be okay, but if I did it every month, eventually, it’s just mooching.”

Coworker: “Well, you could at least come join us even if you aren’t eating.”

Me: “I tried that the last two times, and everyone kept insisting I had to eat when I got there. I figured I’d just stay here working this time so that wouldn’t happen again.”

Coworker: “That’s not fair to you. Look, I brought two dishes, so I earned the right to eat twice as much, right? You can have my second helpings so it all evens out.”

We go back and forth a few more times, my coworker not accepting my intention to sit out. Eventually, I cave and go with her to appease her, and while I do try to just attend the potluck without eating, she all but forces me to take some food, as well.

Coworker #2: “Wow, [My Name] is here? I’m surprised you were willing to actually buy food for this.”

Me: “Actually, I didn’t. I was planning to sit out, but [Coworker] forced me to come join in.”

Coworker #2: *Jokingly* “Ah, couldn’t say no to stealing a bit of free food, huh?”

Me: “You know, some days you can’t win no matter what you try.”