Accept The Result Magma-nimously

, , , , , | Working | September 5, 2017

I was in a manager’s meeting. All the managers were new to their positions and were trying to learn their jobs as quickly as possible. Everyone had been working themselves ragged, as we had a company-wide audit coming up. The managers all got along very well, as we all liked to have a good time to lighten the seriousness of the work. Meetings lasted for hours, and because I can’t sit still to save my life, I was sitting on the floor. The meeting was wrapping up, as there was a meeting of the board of trustees shortly after ours. Thinking we had more time than we did, a coworker shouted, “The floor is lava!” Everyone in the room jumped to get off the floor, including me, but I was stopped, because a coworker and close friend decided to use me to keep off the floor.

An argument ensued, as she cheated in “killing” me to save herself. Everyone got involved in the argument. The trustees walked in to find everyone still standing or sitting on desks, chairs, counters, and me. No one really noticed until a very cliche throat-clearing was heard. Everyone looked over to see very professionally-dressed men and women in the doorway. Before they could even ask what was going on, I explained what had happened and how my coworker cheated. I then asked them to find a final ruling, as they were technically an impartial third party. The trustees (thankfully) found the situation hilarious and agreed to deliberate. After a few moments, they decided that my coworker had cheated, and because I had been murdered, I was now immune to lava, and in some superhero-like event I became the “Lava Master.”

A few weeks later, I got a manila envelope in my mailbox. Inside was a certificate stating that I was the “Lava Master,” making me immune to lava, and an Olympic style medal stating, “I am the Lava Master.” I framed the certificate and hung it in the offices, and I wear my medal all the time. My coworker still grumbles about the unfairness of the situation, and is constantly reminded she was the murderer that gave me my powers to begin with.

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