A Fountain Of Jerkitude

I am shopping at a mall in Pennsylvania and I sit down at the fountain in the middle. I get up to strap my shoes on properly and find someone has already sat down where I was.

Me: “Excuse me, I was already sitting there.”

Customer: “Well, I’m sitting here now.”

Me: “I’m sorry if you thought I was going, but I was still using that place.”

Customer: “You’re not sitting here now, so I suggest you get your skinny little a** out of here.”

Me: “Don’t call me that.”

The guard comes up and hears me argue.

Guard: “What’s going on here?”

Customer: “This boy told me to piss off and did the finger.”

Me: “I didn’t! I promise that I didn’t do that. You can check the cameras; I didn’t do that!”

Guard: “What happened?”

Me: “I got up to strap my shoe. I was less than six inches from the fountain edge but he just sat down. And he wouldn’t let me get up.”

The customer tuts and shakes his head.

Customer: “When will you kids learn that lying gets you nowhere? Just look at him; he’s obviously a yob. Besides, he’s scruffy.”

I am sweaty because I had to run across the store from one side to the other, hence my rest.

Me: “But you did! I didn’t do anything.”

Customer: “It’s wrong to lie. I just don’t know where the young people get their ideas from.”

I plead with the guard but he grabs my arm and starts taking me away when he suddenly stops and picks something up from the ground. It is a bag of weed.

Guard: *To the customer* “Care to explain where you got this from? I obviously saw you trying to put it in the boy’s pocket, so whatever you say will be taken against you as evidence. Shall we?”

The customer was arrested on false accusations and drug charges. It turned out he had also gotten a child in trouble with her parents some years earlier because he planted stolen items in her house.