I work at a coffee shop inside of a bike shop. I have a sign that says, “I AM ON MY LUNCH,” on one side and, “I AM TAKING TEN MINUTES TO RESTOCK AND CATCH UP,” on the other. The number of people who just stand and stare at me is astounding.

Sometimes, I’ll even tell folks, “Sorry, I’m on my lunch,” and point out the sign, and they’ll go, “Oh, that’s fine. I just need a coffee.”

Facepalm.

I work in a store that sells bicycles. I get a call from a customer.

Customer: “Can you tell me about your bikes?”

Me: “What would you like to know?”

Customer: “What brands, sizes, and colors do you have? And what quality are they?”

Me: “Sir, we have over twenty different kinds of bikes in our store. If you go to our website, you can find all of those details.”

Man: “Why can’t you just tell me whether the bikes are any good? Why is it so difficult for you to tell me that?!”

Mind you, he was looking for a tricycle for his son… and failed to mention that until twenty minutes into the conversation.

He made his poor wife come in and return the trike four different times for something different. He also wanted me to magically know which customer that came in was his wife after she left the first two times.

I used to work at a fairly high-end bike shop that sold really expensive road bikes, some in the ballpark of $8,000.

A regular customer, a man in his fifties, brought in his carbon fiber road bike for a tune-up. Before writing up the work order, I checked over the bike.

Me: “Sir, it seems that your chain is worn. It will require replacing.”

Regular: “Oh… Can you just replace the top half of the chain? Since that’s the half that takes all the stress.”

This guy was a regular cyclist with a bike that retails for thousands of dollars who had no concept of how a bicycle chain worked.

Me: “Thanks for calling [Shop]. This is [My Name].”

Caller: “Do you work on electric bikes?”

Me: “Yes, but only e-bikes we have sold here. We are not able to service e-bikes that were bought from other stores.”

Caller: “Well, f*** you and [Other Local Bike Shop], too!”

I only regret that he hung up on me before he could hear me laughing out loud.

My bike needs a tuneup, and I’m too busy to do it myself. My usual bike shop is swamped, so I go to another one that’s close to my work. I get a slightly patronizing vibe from the guy who helps me, but they’ve got decent reviews online, so I leave my bike with them anyway.

A day or so later, I get an email from the shop, letting me know my rear wheel has a crack in the rim, and they can replace it entirely for [total]. I decline, since I have a spare wheel at home, and if the hub is fine, I can rebuild the wheel myself when I have time.

They call me a few days later to say the tuneup is finished. I go there directly after work to pick it up. The mechanic comes out to talk to me.

Mechanic: “I really think you should let us replace the wheel.”

Me: “It’s okay; I’m replacing it myself.”

Mechanic: “But you can’t ride it until it’s replaced.”

Me: “I know.”

Mechanic: “Look, I don’t think you understand. It’s not safe to ride on a cracked rim.”

Me: “I’m aware of that. As I said, I will replace the wheel at the first opportunity.”

Mechanic: *Starting to raise his voice slightly* “You can’t ride it out of here!” 

I glance down at myself, still in my work clothes, and back up at him. 

Me: “Dude, I brought a car to take the bike home in. Did you really think I was planning to cycle in a pencil skirt and heels?”