You Should See Your Face(book)

(My aunt has always been a pretty terrible person, and my interactions with her have been for the sole sake of keeping the peace, because my grandmother loves her, even more than her other two daughters. One year, my aunt goes on one of her crazy sprees during her pretty nasty divorce and ends up accusing everyone in the family of siding with her husband while she “did no wrong” – they were divorcing because he learned she was cheating on him with her diving instructor – and kicks several people off her Facebook page, including me. I have blocked her for good measure and gone about my business. One day, about three years later, I receive a friend request from my aunt. She has deleted her old page and made a new one, and is trying to add most of the people she had kicked off the old one. I ignore it, and block this page, too. The next day, I am at home with my grandmother, who I live with at the time to take care of her, and my aunt is there.)

Aunt: “Oh! [My Name]! There you are! I need to talk to you!”

Me: “What about?”

Aunt: *acting offended* “I sent you a friend’s request on Facebook last night, and you ignored it! How am I supposed to keep in contact with you? That hurt me so badly!”

Grandmother: “[My Name], add her on Facebook! You are being rude!”

Me: “But I have you on Facebook, [Aunt]. I mean, unless you kicked me off, I’m still there; I would never do something that rude. I figured it was a spoof account trying to get personal information or something.”

(She never bothered me about adding her as a friend again.)