You Can Batter This Point But They Still Won’t Get It

I’m a server at a restaurant. A customer calls in to ask about the beer-battered haddock. It seems his wife is really hungry for fish, but she’s pregnant.

Caller: “We’re worried about the alcohol in the batter.”

Me: “Well, sir, the alcohol cooks itself completely out of the batter while it’s frying.”

Caller: “No, that can’t be right.”

Me: “Food that is boiled with stronger alcohol might contain some traces of the alcohol, but it’s different with fried food and with lighter alcohol.”

Caller: “I don’t believe you! It’s beer!”

Me: “Sir, we use beer that starts at 4% alcoholic volume. If there is any alcohol left after the frying process, I assure you it is in trace amounts.”

He isn’t getting it, so my manager takes over to try to explain. After a few attempts:

Caller: “You’re all irresponsible, negligent, and ignorant to the needs of your customers, with no sense of social responsibility!” *Click*

Manager: “Yes, because we obviously just want the money from the alcoholic food sale so badly that we would tell anyone anything to get them to buy it, including telling a pregnant woman that it is safe to eat.”