Yay, Cancer Sticks!

(My friend and I are at the gas station to get fountain drinks and cigarettes. When my turn comes up at the counter, I ask for my specific brand. Note that I am very sleep-deprived and so my filter, which isn’t much to begin with, is completely gone.)

Me: “Just this and a pack of [Cigarettes], please.”

(The cashier goes to look and doesn’t find them.)

Cashier: “Sorry, we don’t have them in.”

Me: “Well, s***. Oops, I mean… Actually, no. ‘S***’ sounds right. That is exactly what I mean.”

(My friend and the cashier laugh at me. As I look at the cigarettes behind her to decide what to get instead, the cashier looks thoughtful and asks me to hang on a minute. She goes to check behind another type of cigarette from the same brand, and finds the ones I’m looking for.)

Cashier: “We had them on promo before, so to make room I guess they moved them behind the others.”

Me: “Yay! You saved the day! I mean, you’re selling me something that is known to cause cancer, but the [Day] is saved!”

(She and my friend laugh at me again, and I finish paying and we walk out.)

Friend: *while laughing* “What the h*** is wrong with you?”

Me: “I DON’T SLEEP!”