(There’s a fashion shop near where I work that blasts their music so loud that we get complaints from customers about the noise in our shop. I can only stand being in the actual shop for a few moments, so never shop in there. One day I go in and grab one of their feedback forms. I start filling it in and get to the complaints area asking if there is anything that I don’t like about the store. That’s when I notice they’ve added:)

Complaints Form: “‘Music is too loud,’ is not an acceptable complaint.”

(My boyfriend and I are at a popular novelty store that sells certain… bedroom things. We have just picked up a set of restraints and go to the counter to purchase them.)

Cashier #1: “Did you find everything all right today?”

Me: “Yeah, thanks. We’re just getting these.” *sets the box on the counter*

Cashier #1: *turns bright pink* “Uh, um, I’ll just, uh, let me get someone to take of that for you.”

(He scrambles into the back, leaving my boyfriend and me to exchange a confused look. After a moment he returns with another cashier in tow. She takes one look at our purchase and turns on him.)

Cashier #2: “Geez, dude, they’re just restraints! It’s not like they’re buying a vibrator or anything! How do you even work here?!”

(He blushes and stammers an apology and disappears into the back of the store again. Meanwhile, my boyfriend and I are trying desperately to keep straight faces.)

Cashier #2: *to us* “I can ring you folks out. I’m really sorry about that. I don’t know how he’s lasted this long here.”

Boyfriend: *trying not to laugh* “No, that’s fine. Thanks for your help.”

Me: “It’s a good thing we didn’t find a vibrator we liked. That poor kid probably would have died right then and there.”

(I work at a fabric and crafts store where employees wear headsets to communicate. It is a stocking day and there are more workers than normal: in this case, three full managers, a part-time manager, and me [a part-time associate]. I am currently working the counter where patrons can get by-the-yard items measured when the register bell starts ringing.)

Me: *ignoring the bell since one of the managers is supposed to be manning it* “—and how much of [Product] do you need today?”

Patron #1: “Can you show me what three yards looks like?”

Me: “Sure can.”

(I starts laying out fabric when I notice no-one has gone to the registers.)

Me: “One moment, please.” *over my radio* “There’s a customer at registers.”

Register Manager: “We’re all in the office and will be here for a while. You’ll have to get it.”

(Note: there is ALWAYS supposed to be one manager on the floor at all times and no one ever gave me the heads-up that I was the only one the floor. At this point, the patron at the registers is annoyed and smacking the bell.)

Me: *loudly to be heard halfway across the store* “Someone will be with you as soon as they can!” *over radio* “I can’t. I’m cutting and have a line.”

(My manager finally comes out, acting huffy and irritated that she actually has to do the job she’s scheduled for. Afterward, they all gather at my counter (guess their impromptu meeting wasn’t that important) where I am still helping patrons. They proceed to help the part-time manager pick out materials for a personal project and gossip, while on the clock, in front of customers. Register bell rings again just as I am done cutting and trying to get caught up putting everything away. No one else even acts like they hear the bell.)

Me: *after running across the store to the registers* “Sorry, thank you for waiting. Apparently I’m the only one working today.”

Patron #1: “I noticed.”

(I have just been promoted to junior recruitment consultant. Unfortunately, I do not have an assistant to type my documents and résumés so I ask the receptionist to help me. This also gives her the ability to grow in her position as no one else gives her that chance. We always inform our clients if we interview the candidates in person, telephonically, or via Skype.)

Client: “Hahaha! My boss thinks you guys are brilliant!”

Me: “Um, why?”

Client: “The resume says you guys interviewed this candidate telepathically!”

(Turned out the receptionist had typed on the resume ‘telepathically’ instead of ‘telephonically’ and I hadn’t picked it up when I sent the resume to the client. She even won an award with our head office for this little blunder…)

(I’m in line for the customer service desk when this takes place.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a copy of Wuthering Heights.”

Worker: “Okay.” *types on computer* “I do not see that book here.”

Customer: “Really? That’s weird…”

Me: “Excuse me? I think I know the book you’re looking for.”

(The worker had typed ‘weather and heights’ instead of ‘Wuthering Heights.’ I had to spell the title out for her.)