(I’m at a hotel for a local convention. I’m trying to order on the pizza place’s online site for delivery, but thanks to a software glitch it won’t let me order two different kinds of soda. So I call the store and explain the issue.)

Employee #1: “It would probably be better if I just took your order over the phone. What can I get for you?”

(So I place the order, including the address of the hotel and the room number, and a callback number.)

Employee #1: “All right, it should be ready at about 10:15.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(It gets as late as 11:08 with no callback. So I call in.)

Employee #2: “Thank you for choosing [Pizza Chain]. What can I get for you?”

Me: “Yeah, I had a delivery order that was supposed to be here almost an hour ago.”

Employee #2: “I can check on that for you. What’s your name?”

Me: “[My Name].”

Employee #2: “…and this was a delivery order, or carryout?”

Me: “Delivery…?”

Employee #2: “Ah… hold on. Let me get my manager.”

(After a brief wait, the manager comes on, sounding fairly upbeat. It turns out the order was listed as carryout, so it had been waiting at the store for us! We get to replacing the order, and the manager offers to send it for free due to the wait. While we’re getting the order replaced, she says this:)

Manager: “Yeah, it’s been a crazy night with the convention and the Saturday.”

Me: “I don’t blame you at all.”

(While we’re confirming the order…)

Manager: “And that was a two-liter of [Popular Soda] and a two-liter of [Another Popular Soda]?”

Me: “Yep.”

Manager: “Can you tell I’m losing my mind yet?!”

(That comment was what made my night! The rest of the order went without a hitch.)

(A few years ago I called into a customer service center to alter service on my account.)

Representative: “How may I help you?”

Me: “I’d like to remove [service] from my account as I’m not using it anymore.”

Representative: “Sure thing. Can I get your account number?”

Me: “[Account number].”

Representative: “And your name?”

Me: “[My Name].”

Representative: “Great. Now to verify your identity, can you please tell me your security question?”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Representative: “Can you please provide me with your security question?”

Me: “I don’t know my security question. You’re supposed to provide me the question so I can answer it.”

Representative: “I’m sorry, sir, but we need you to provide your security question in order to verify your identity before I can continue.”

Me: “But that makes no sense. Nobody makes a customer memorize the question, only the answer. There are countless possible questions each company can ask, and I can’t be expected to memorize both the question AND the answer.”

Representative: “Sir, if you can’t provide me the security question to verify your identity, I’ll have to terminate this call.”

Me: “I’ll save you the trouble.”

(I called back a few minutes later and got a different rep who understood how security questions work.)

(Most of my coworkers, including myself, are fairly geeky. Coworker #1 is usually singing or humming songs from games and movies, getting them stuck in everyone else’s head. I’m in the office doing paperwork, and I’ve got the Super Mario theme song stuck in my head. I then hear clicking in the prep kitchen, and I realize it’s the beat to the same song.)

Me: “[Coworker #2], how did you know I had that stuck in my head?”

Coworker #2: “I didn’t. [Coworker #1] was humming it yesterday.”

Me: “D***! [Coworker #1] can get a song stuck in our head when he isn’t even here!”

This story is part of the Mario-themed roundup!

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(Occasionally, when I call my husband’s workplace, his nearest cubicle neighbor will answer. After about six months on the job, my husband’s boss invites our family to a work-related picnic. We have just been introduced to everyone, when a man (who ended up being the coworker I have spoken with on the phone) pulls me aside to talk. I am very taken aback when he says:)

Husband’s Coworker: “You look different than I had pictured you. Your voice is so soft and sexy. I was picturing, you know, Marilyn Monroe.”

(Even his wife made a disgusted face at him.)

(My dad and I are driving through Maryland and stop at a 24 hours diner around 10 pm.)

Waitress: *handing us menus* “So, what can I get you?”

Dad: “Oh, I don’t know. What’s good here?”

Waitress: “Nothing, really.”

Dad: “So, I guess we should go eat somewhere else, huh?”