0 Brains

| Knoxville, TN, USA | Working | April 25, 2012

(Note: I’m a customer. I overhear two female employees while I’m in the fitting room trying on a dress. They’re apparently reading the label on a soda bottle.)

Employee #1: “If this has 0 calories, 0 carbs, and no sugar, what makes it different from water? I mean, if you could drink this, why would you ever drink water?”

Employee #2: “Uhh, I guess it has sodium in it.”

Employee #1: “What’s sodium? What’s that do to you?”

Employee #2: “I guess it dries you out and stuff.”

Employee #1: “Well, I have oily skin anyway!”

Half A Brain

, | Sumter, SC, USA | Working | April 25, 2012

Employee: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. Carry out or delivery?”

Me: “Delivery.”

Employee: “Okay, go ahead with your order.”

Me: “I would like a large pineapple pizza, half without cheese.”

Employee: “Which half would you like the cheese on?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Employee: “Which half of the pizza would you like the cheese on?”

Me: *after pausing for a moment* “The… left half.”

Employee: “Okay, your total will be $12.72 and your pizza should be there in 35 minutes!”

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Light (Up) The Way

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Working | April 25, 2012

Me: “Hi, I have this coupon for clams but I’m not finding any.”

Employee: “Oh, yo… nah, we’re all out. You like mahi mahi, though? THAT’S SOME GOOD S***!”

Like Watching A Sub Opera

, | USA | Working | April 25, 2012

(I walk into a sandwich shop and order two subs. When I make it to the cash register, I see two cashiers and hand one of them a coupon: two meals for $10.00. The cashiers aren’t sure how to use the coupon, so they begin arguing. After arguing for ten straight minutes, my friend — who has been waiting outside — pokes his head in the door to see if I am almost done. Hearing this, one of the cashiers cuts in.)

Cashier #1: “Is that your boyfriend?”

Me: “No, he’s—”

Cashier #2: “What a boyfriend! Sends a girl in to get him his food, and with a coupon!”

Me: “He’s really not my boy—”

Cashier #1: “I bet he told you to go get him a sandwich, didn’t he?”

Me: “He’s not my—”

Cashier #2: “Here, this cookie is for you. Break up with that jerk!”

Me: “But we’re not—”

Cashier #1: “I better not see you sharing this cookie with him. It’s for you!”

Me: “Okay, I won’t. I’ll just break up with him, then.”

Both Cashiers: “You do that!”

(I went outside and explained to my friend that I was “breaking up” with him because the sub shop cashiers told me to. All the while, the cashiers were inside applauding over my “break up.”)

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A Bit Sweet Behind The Ears

| Appleton, WI, USA | Working | April 25, 2012

(I’m nursing a sore throat, so I bring some honey in to work with me one day.)

Coworker: “Are you gonna put that honey in something to drink?”

Me: *joking* “No, I put it in my ear.”

Coworker: “What? Why?”

(I think he’s just playing dumb, so I play along.)

Me: “Because it helps sore throats.”

Coworker: “No way…how?”

(At this point, a call interrupts us. I’m pretty sure that either he’ll understand it was a joke or someone will set him straight. But then, a few hours later…)

Coworker: “Seriously, do you use a Q-tip to get it in there, or what?”

Me: “No, I just use one to get out the excess honey.”

Coworker: “But seriously, how does that work?”

Me: “You just pour it in and it soothes everything.”

Coworker: “Wow!”

Me: *laughing uncontrollably*

Coworker: *feeling dumb* “Oh.”

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