A Tip For Getting Rid Of Your In-Laws

(This story takes place a few years after my wife and I get married. We go out to a restaurant for her birthday with her sisters, mother, uncle, and a cousin. We go to a very well-known Italian restaurant where our server is a delight. After we get the check and I put down the tip, I talk to one of my wife’s uncles for a bit. When I turn back, the tip money is gone and my wife looks like she’s embarrassed.)

Me: “Huh, I didn’t see the server pass by.”

Sister-In-Law: “He didn’t…”

Me: “He didn’t? Then where did the 27 dollars go?”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, that? I have it here.”

Me: “Why?”

Mother-In-Law: “Because tipping is a scam.”

Uncle: “Oh boy, here we go…”

Me: “What? How is it a scam? He gave us excellent service and had our food out fast.”

Mother-In-Law: “That’s their job. You don’t pay them for doing their job well. They’ll probably just waste it on drugs or something else.”

(At this point I’m shocked at how she’s acting. This is a sweet woman who has never said anything like this before. I look to my wife and she’s keeping her head down.)

Me: “That’s not for you to decide. It’s my money, and if I want to give it to him then that’s my choice. Put it back.”

Mother-In-Law: “No, I won’t let you fall for their scam.”

Me: “Mrs. [Mother-In-Law], I worked as a server before I married [Wife], and I promise you it’s no scam. Now, please put the money back or give it back to me.”

Mother-In-Law: “No, if you want to throw away your money, then I’ll be more than happy to take it.”

Me: “Okay, if that’s the case, then you keep the money, but you’re going to pay for your own meal.”

(At this she seemed to get startled then she started to mumble under her breath. She glared at me as she tossed the money onto the table; a few bills short, and announced that she was going to wait by the car. As she did that my wife, her sisters, and her uncle all breathed a sigh of relief.)

Uncle: “Thank God someone finally told her off. She’s been like that since we were children.”

Sister-In-Law: “Anytime we told her anything she’d scold us for being gullible.”

(They each put five dollars on top of the tip as well. My mother-in-law refused to eat at restaurants with us after that, and my wife thanked me for finally doing what she was always afraid to.)