Time To Make A Reservation For The Living Room Couch

A friend is having a cookout with several people I know and several I don’t know. I am inside with a few other people when a man comes in and addresses his wife. I only recognize them as friends of the host, so I don’t even know their names.

Husband: “Honey, [Best Friend] says he’ll buy [bedroom toy] from us since you didn’t like it.”

Wife: *Turning red* “What?!”

Husband: “[Best Friend] said—”

Wife: “I heard you. Why are you— Come here.”

She drags him into the bathroom, but they’re still loud enough for everyone to hear.

Husband: “What? They want a new toy; I said you didn’t like yours.”

Wife: “And you and [Best Friend] were the only ones in this conversation?”

Husband: *Slowly* “Well, [Other Guys] were there, and that guy in the green shirt, and—” 

Wife: “I cannot f****** believe you think this is acceptable.”

Husband: “What? It’s just talk!”

Wife: “And what if I told all the wives why we need the toys? And what if they tell their husbands?”

Husband: *Pause* “Well, I—”

Wife: “You stop talking about our bedroom life, or you won’t have one and I will tell everyone about all of your shortcomings. Do you understand?”

The wife came out of the bathroom and everyone pretended they didn’t hear anything. She grabbed her purse and keys and left the party. The husband sheepishly exited the bathroom and went back outside. I don’t know them well enough to know what happened after that, but I do know if my husband was spouting off about our bedroom life, I’d be pretty pissed, too!