This One Didn’t Lan(d)

My mother works at a store that has recently moved their computer department to the location where she works. She tells me that there is a part-time job going and that I should apply.

Me: “l don’t know anything about computers; [Husband] is the one who knows about computers.”

Mum: “What does he do?”

Me: “He’s a LAN administrator.”

The next day, Mum calls me.

Mum: “[Husband] has got the job; he can start on Monday.”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

Mum: “The computer job at work. I was telling [Computer Manager] about him and how he knows all about computers. At first, he just rolled his eyes and muttered something about relations who know about computers. So I told him that he works at [Telco] and that he was some sort of Land Administration. He told me that he could start on Monday. Won’t he be happy?”

Me: “Um, no, he’s not going to give up working at [Telco] for a part-time retail job.”

Mum: “But I got the job for him. What will I tell [Manager]?”

Me: “That he doesn’t want a job he didn’t apply for.”

My mother is the type of person who doesn’t think the truth is a good enough excuse so will make up “more believable” excuses.

Mum: “Oh, I know! I will tell him that [Telco] heard he was going to leave so they offered him a better job with a pay rise. Oh, and that it’s in a different city, so you will be moving, as well.”

Me: “Oh, for God’s sake, Mum. Just tell him he said thanks but no, thanks; he doesn’t need another job.”

Mum: “But…”

Me: “No, stop it, enough.”